nada

on Monday. thank God. seriously, thank you, God.

i feel like yall have been with me through this whole process, so i figure i'd share the good news. got the job right before Christmas and start next Monday. back in the schools where i want to be with a healthy organization in a new affiliate that will provide great opportunity for growth, development and promotion.

it's gonna be a good 2015. now, if i could just get my wife pregnant again...

now get to working on baby 2!

I didn't do anything to deserve it and I was very fucked up about it.

And it's crazy who reaches out when you need it and who you fine out really cares about your emotional health.

My roommate from grad school (part deux) had my back and I will be forever grateful. She calmed me down at 1am and let me cry and scream into the phone. She called me Monday to make sure I recovered and has been sending me lots of positive thoughts and quotes to help me through it.

I have a handful of friends from high school, but we are in and out of each other's lives. I literally have 1 friend from undergrad and it's more of a friendship of convenience than based on anything real. And I have zero friends from when I was working on my MBA... Mostly because I was working full time at the same time and surrounded by family.

i've found that the people I'm closest to (outside of my mom and sister) and the ones that call and check on me the most are the people I spent 9 months with in Ohio 4 years ago.

I have cabin fever and chillblains (like stage 0.5 frostbite swollen itchy painful Michelin man looking hands) simultaneously. I want to leave my house but it's so cold schools cancelled. I might lose a finger.

I still love her, and I always will, but I do not like her.

And I'm right there with you. I think I'm done with mine for awhile.

Just curious...I might be sharing similar sentiments. Lemme say, I don't like the majority of her actions stemming from the last 8.5 years.

looking forward to the new year for once......

I take so much better care of my hair

and if anyone wants to buy a special (spacey) awesome muffin, it's only $10 bucks. *shrug* #puttingitoutthereintotheuniverse


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

We talking special like I'm gonna binge watch It's Always Sunny

Or special like this is a really good recipe that you've been tinkering with?

Secondly...is this exclusive to NYC?


"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." -The Bard

I could do shipping but no one's ever asked yet....




"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

I'm hyped!!!!!

"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

I always burdened myself with other people's problems. They are all close to me, but nonetheless I would take them on and carry them around with me everywhere I went. It took a toll on my physical and mental health and I felt myself cracking under pressure and developing a bad temper, resentment, and guilt. This made things worse. My health took a nose dive. I recall reading an article about the effects of stress on the body and I never really knew how powerful it could be until I experienced it first hand. Deciding to rid myself of the ailments which plagued me I created a personal mantra along the lines of: I will not take on anybody's problems except my own, everyone must be responsible for themselves.

It was somewhat miraculous as I instantly felt a great weight lifted off my shoulders. I let go of everything that I was holding on to and I can feel the vibrancy of youth again. Waking up is now a great thing as opposed to a horrible reality I dreaded. Everything I ever dreamed of is on pace to completion and accomplishment. Every little step counts, so if there is something you really want, start now. You will surprise yourself with how much you can accomplish with tiny increments of effort.

Side note. If you feels sluggish, low on energy, and generally despondent, start taking a super multi vitamin and drinking a lot of water. I am convinced many of us are malnourished and do not get everything we need, which causes a lot of problems. I feel like I have a new body with a new disposition.

how y'all been?

Known her for 3 years now. Confessed my crush to her two years ago, and she was on that "awwwwww, I'm flattered, but I see you as a friend" shit. We were cool then, but not as close as we are now. So I feel like it's even harder to do it now, but then I donno for real. I told my homegirl who knows her, and she told me I definitely gotta go for it regardless. Guess I minus well (c) Black Twitter

http://youtu.be/mWGeRgFa-hI


***
I'm tryna be better off, not better than...

neeeeeeeeeee....

if so ehhh...go for it but there's better and somebody is always shoning

We can kick it all day n I never feel like kickin her out. Or mad bc I ain't smashing. But eh I'll see

I get that her character is cool, but she gotta be up for it without making you work hard because you BEEN put that bid in

...my little sister was jumped after school yesterday. its fucking with me bad. there's absolutely nothing i could have done about it but i FEEL like i wish i was there. i still haven't seen or spoken to her about it bc i'm at my other sister's house baby sitting (the daycare they use is closed for a couple of weeks). my older sister teaches at the school and is so upset about the situation that she stayed home today. i don't want to talk about details but i swear to god lil teenagers be mad about all the wrong shit and take it out on each other its so sickening. at the end of the day my lil sister is not at fault for getting jumped but her & her friends gotta understand that there are crazy people out there and going back and forth with people can result in shit like this. idk its all fucked up. i need to call her. and i need several drinks. but i'm taking a break from that.

...i think its hilarious that everyone was waiting with bated breath for what phylicia rashad was going to say and once it didn't fit what they hoped she was gonna say they turned the pitchforks on her.

...my son refuses to use the potty over here at my sisters house. flat out refuses and he's wasting my money on pull-ups. at home, altho he's going through a lil regression, he'll use
the bathroom as long as i remember to ask or bring him. here he will sit on the toilet and HOLD his pee. as soon as i give up and pull up his pants etc he pees. its infuriating but i've
given up on trying while i'm here lol i can't deal.

...gotta do these open mics.

just turn the faucet on while he's holding it. The running water will mess with him and he won't be able to hold it for long

>...my son refuses to use the potty over here at my sisters
>house. flat out refuses and he's wasting my money on pull-ups.
>at home, altho he's going through a lil regression, he'll use
>the bathroom as long as i remember to ask or bring him. here
>he will sit on the toilet and HOLD his pee. as soon as i give
>up and pull up his pants etc he pees. its infuriating but
>i've given up on trying while i'm here lol i can't deal.

and i don't want him to have a urinary tract infection behind this so while we're staying here i've given up lol

my kids were never able to defeat running water lol

i thought i had him and he just sat there then he
kept trying to get up and i kept sitting him back down then he started crying etc
i don't want to traumatize him either so i just let it go for now smh

he just came to me and asked to go poop on the potty and voluntarily went and sat on it
i don't get this kid but i'm not fighting it
lol

the coolest part is once he decides on it, he will never not go to the toilet. Amir was hard-headed as heck lol but one day he just started going. He had not had an accident yet!

altho changing pull-ups is easy for both of us that shit is hard on the pockets! lol

I don't think this fracture in our friendship will ever mend. I'm fine with that. I love her anyway hoping she gets well soon.

but didn't wanna be like well what kind of surgery is this.

i just liked the posts where it states that she's gotten better and did a little prayer for her.

btw, it's sad that you all aren't as close anymore. but life happens.

Throw myself into work, networking and the gym.

It's like it never even happened.

Most times I wish someone would drag/carry me from my bed to the backyard patio and sit me on the chair with some tea, or just lie me on the ground. As the sun warms the ground it would warm me and I would then be able to unfurl and start my day. Since that never happens I lie in bed staring out the window willing sun to warm my bones and propel me forward.
Alas, it is winter and the warmth never comes. If i were freezing on the patio waiting for the sun I would probably just curl up and go back to sleep willing hypothermia to warm me enough to bring me to my senses.
________________________________________
Keep Penis Clean Or Find Genital Spots

i'm doing online dating
and i am opening up more this time than the last two times
but i just don't get men
that get an attitude with me
cause it takes me too long to respond
and??????
i don't even know your name
and you think its okay to get an attitude with me
and think i am going to continue talking to you?
do you know how many messages I get a day?
fuck out here

i follow that bye felipe instagram and the posts are really scary and upsetting

i don't need that drama. lol.
the best thing is to ignore it but i could see myself reaching a point where i'd flip out
i really don't want the abuse

folks are crazy!

but i get a lot of
"thanks for finally thinking of me"
what? who? wtf?
like i'm supposed to be all in
after a few texts
or that i don't respond during the day
i am working!!!! making money
i am not thinking about a dating site
or texting you during my busy ass day

its a struggle lol

its very similar to the whole how many days are you supposed to wait to call a girl after you exchange numbers game. i'm terrible at that game. terrible. and it gets me the same type of reaction.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

not my life
i'm not sitting around waiting for you to ask me out
i just think its weird to get an attitude with someone
you were clearly interested in
cause they took too long (according to you) to respond
you don't even give them a chance to explain! lol

its like you can't win for losing.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

This is all anecdotal, btw:

>but i just don't get men
>that get an attitude with me
>cause it takes me too long to respond

This is annoying...

>and??????

...and this makes it "FOH" status. Basically, if a woman makes it clear that a certain dude is optional, then he really has nothing to lose. Personally, I'd just vanish and look for new prospects, but some dudes catch attitudes and get all up in their feelings. Anyways, the thing is that they don't have much to lose so they probably don't give a shit.

>do you know how many messages I get a day?

They know, lol.

this is going to hurt so much but i think i have to dead this relationship. cutting off a family member is like cutting off a limb. you can survive without it, but it will take time to heal and learn to walk again.

i don't want this but i need some closure on this.

And twice at LAX. (and cursed out an asshole wannabe TSA agent)
Once on the car ride there.
Twice in the car ride home.

And several times when I finally made it to my couch.

I thought I was done with the tears, but I started crying while looking at pics of him and realizing I'd never see him again. Or hear his voice. Or fall asleep in his arms. Or hear him tell me how much he loves me. Or laugh at jokes together. Suddenly the future we'd been plotting together is no more.

In the short while we were together, I loved him more than I ever imagined I could love anyone. And we were the cheesy couple who told each other nearly every chance we could. We truly loved each other unconditionally. He was going to do the round-trip on the bus and train just to be at ORD when my plane landed. Just so he could see me ASAP. And just like that, now he's gone and I'll never see him again.

I hate I wasn't here to be with him when he died. I hate I don't have any answers. Just a lot of questions. I hate that the first time I meet his family will be to plan his memorial service. I hate that we won't be able to do all the things we talked and dreamed about. 27 is way too young to die. We had so much more to do. He was my favorite jam.

I'm prone to being one of those "Everything happens for a reason" types. But with so many questions yet unanswered, I'm pretty sure this reason will be elusive for a while to come.

But I'm truly grateful for the support of my family and friends through this time. And thankful he was loved by so many.

But what does one do when the love of their life dies so unexpectedly at such a young age? I know my grandmother found love again after my grandfather was shot and killed shortly after they'd begun their family. Maybe I can tap into her resilience somehow. I hope I can find the peace and strength to pick up again and find a semblance of normalcy.

peace and strength to you.

.
.
.
"America, stop turning our Court Houses of Justice into Dens for Justified Murderers."

---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

:(

you'll probably never love anybody the same again but all loves are different, right?

take plenty of time to grieve and don't feel like you have to be on anyone else's timetable for that grief.

but remember you have lots of life and lots of love to give and there's still a lot of love out there in the world to receive, and there's nothing wrong with sharing in that when you're ready.

thinking of you.

I can't imagine how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss.

*****************************************
http://prettyperiod.me/

http://whenwomenrefuse.tumblr.com/

and his family and friends
praying that you find peace and purpose during this season....

You have my deepest condolences.

even imagine. God Bless you, though.

____

TWITTER : Heinz21st

IG : H_N_Z

the airport is such a tough place to deal with those initial feelings too.

were going to be hit too hard from the blow back...considering the last time I saw you was at Brother Mike's memorial....

I'm so sorry to hear this. No words will suffice to make it better...but I'll say that D seemed like a REAL good dude from the outside looking in...and I'm sorry he won't be able to be there for you in the way that he was before.

Hold your head,

Mike P

This is truly heartbreaking, and to feel that kind of love for someone is overwhelming. Take your time and cry away, like you said you have friends and family and lean on them.

I lost my boyfriend 5 years ago. it was hard, really hard.

I recommend this book: http://www.amazon.com/Im-Grieving-Fast-Can-Widowers-ebook/dp/B00DFMAJT2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420741262&sr=8-1&keywords=grieving+as+fast+as+i+can

Hugs!

And thanks to those of you who've reached out to me through other channels. Your words of support and show of love means so much.

#wefamily

These lazy bastards won't fuck for the survival of their own species, why should I give a shit if they go extinct?

I'm worried about how "easy" things seem so far. Perhaps I underestimated what we did at the hospital and all the tips/tricks/advice we received, but so far things have been going fairly smoothly. I know.. I know... it hasn't even been 48 hours but folks made it seem like a dark cloud was going to move in and everything was going to fall apart and it just hasn't happened. It definitely helps that the husband is here to help... and the Dictator seems to be allowing us to care for him without little to no resistance.

I admit that I still wonder what the monitors would be reading when he squirms or cries or breathes a certain way, but i'm starting to let that part of his life go for my own sanity.

It's weird to think about how small he was. There were so many pictures that I took of him when he was small.. just in case they were all I had of him... I couldn't look at them though... I hated them... i hated how fragile he was and blamed the hell out of myself for it. I beat myself up with thoughts of "how could you not know".. "why didn't you call sooner"... at that time those pictures were a reminder of my failure... I can look at them now... it's like reading the end of a book and then going back to the beginning because you liked the end... if that makes sense...

I guess I'm just confessing that this has been a hell of a ride and it's left me a bit scarred... but i'm putting the pieces back together... for me... for him... for the husband... and I'm hoping that at the end of the day we'll all be ok.

and him
and your husband

girl wait until he turns one
the tears that flows
and the joy in your heart will be something
that is so describable

(hence ive been there)

hence i understood how you felt about the initial
pictures and your guilt

the year very much went out like a warm wet fart. Being the optimist I have been saying that we can only go up from here but giving that most of the bad news deals with the failing health of our older parents I am pretty sure that isn't true. More likely things will get worst.

Approaching forty has been tough.

**********
"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

http://blackpeopleonlocalnews.tumblr.com/

I've seen endless examples of this going bad
I have a vision/brand that's becoming increasingly respected, he wants to add onto it with things that arent necessarily a part of said vision/brand
so I think Im going to help him set up his own separate thing and participate in any way that he needs me so that he can get off the ground, because I dont ever want any bad blood

nothing to say....just a "like"

i wanna "double tap-like" posts on Facebook(mobile) as on instagram.

I get all social media'ly mixed up sometimes.......lol



I know folk don't wanna hear the New Year/New You stuff....but this year's New Year/New You theme has effected me more drastically than any other year. Not that I reall]y WAITED until Jan 1. to want a life improvement...but I got SUPER UBER motivated then. So I've committed to a healthier lifestyle....physically...spiritually...emotially.. and financially. Temperance and Patience, I'm working on daily.....

i dunno....every morning, I capture as a blank canvas.......the masterpiece is under construction....daily.


I'm emotionally and lovingly attached to 2 (and a possible) men. I love two of them....and this other guy is brand new....and is phenomenal. Sexual nor fully exclusive to none.....but find very wonderful attributes to love in all of them......
so.....lol....i guess I shall see how this will end up.


overall...Tonya is a happy camper......all is well

well the early hours of New years,sent my ex Happy New Year wishes.
she didn't respond and even though i thought i was fully prepared that she wouldn't. it made me incredibly angry.
like, damn you can't even reply to a generic ass happy new year message. the same anger came rushing back like the break up was fresh.I got even more mad at myself for it affecting me the way it did. because i know it doesn't matter. I rationalized it as my last mistake regarding her.Have to let that relationship die in my mind and stop giving it power over my feelings.

or so i thought.
a couple months shy of a year.
Which is why i got even angrier at myself like damn dude get a grip.

some days, you won't.

don't beat yourself up too much. not everyone has this idea of being 'cool' enough with exes to at least return a friendly text

it is definitely hurtful but it's on them

does it really matter?

for all my fans who keep my name in their mouth: http://i.imgur.com/v2xNOpS.jpg

I have made this mistake before...not responding to a text because I thought it was a mass text, but it wasn't.

>well the early hours of New years,sent my ex Happy New Year
>wishes.
>she didn't respond and even though i thought i was fully
>prepared that she wouldn't. it made me incredibly angry.
>like, damn you can't even reply to a generic ass happy new
>year message. the same anger came rushing back like the break
>up was fresh.I got even more mad at myself for it affecting me
>the way it did. because i know it doesn't matter. I
>rationalized it as my last mistake regarding her.Have to let
>that relationship die in my mind and stop giving it power over
>my feelings.
>
>


______________________________
http://i.imgur.com/81XSukd.jpg

i should be scared out of my everlasting mine
i should be crying
i should be going crazy because my life will be
rearranged

HOWEVER
im happy
im so amazed that God has blessed me with this again
i know to do things differently this time

it will be okay
because it is okay

was talkin abt? creditboards or creditkarma?


--I just did a 'voice-over' for a project at the gig.....everybody loves it.......cept me....I sound like a dork with a distinguished voice

--I cant believe I just typed dork

-- I ordered a pair of fatigue denim trues....not sure how I feel abt that

-- I'm about to be hit over the head abt some dough I forgot I owed

-- I really don't think I'm wired for relationships....I got a short in my circuitry or something

-- I wanna change my FB profile pic but I don't want it to be a big to do and show up on erybody timeline but idk how

-- Chelsea style boots always hurt my feet

-- I'm just typin just to be typin

the fico forums has a lot of helpful advice and tips

http://ficoforums.myfico.com/

credit karma is a site to check your credit score and to analyze your history. you can track credit here also.

my suggestion...

request a free credit report from one company, review it and dispute what's wrong, try to pay off the things you KNOW you owe, get any medical debt paid off and removed. the fico forums has templates for letters for all of this but if you request the info online, you can dispute online.

THEN in 3 or 4 months, request your credit report from another company and see how that one is and see if the errors on the first one were removed or taking care of...wash repeat.

4 months later request the third report and work on that one.

i suggest this method because you get one free per year from each company and if you stagger them you can see what's wrong with each and you can work on them bit by bit and you should see improvements by the last credit report.

HTH

i was just in the work bathroom paranoid as hell.
---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

>i was just in the work bathroom paranoid as hell.
>---------------------------------------
>it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're
>strangers.
>
>not compassionate....only polite.
>
>I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

I make everything else but brownies but yeah....

that's random as fuck and never happened to me lol


"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

www.twitter.com/bedstuybetty
http://bedstuybetty.tumblr.com/
DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

gains.

____

TWITTER : Heinz21st

IG : H_N_Z

I don't get nor do I care for when people describe me as too nice..never any concrete examples just random statements perhaps my lack of responding negatively is an example?

I hate when minor occasions impact you on a larger grander scale than you realize

2015 wait 'till I get my money right

My dreams have been made clear lately..iono if I like it

Whenever I get glimpses of my grandmas personality it makes me smile I try to hold on to those memories because the other ones are so negative

I sometimes think of my granny's sister who died and how she died and I get sad..to suffer while your family is unaware is terrible. My granny still doesn't know about her sisters death nor of the deathof her son..she doesn't ask for them much but she does ask for her mother and for her eldest sister who has been dead for over 65 years.

Real talk if she wasn't fam we wouldn't be friends I think its time for a cooling off period the list of things I don't like about her are long as heck and the list of things I do is like four points long and include "we blood" and "its good to be contact with family"

Is it wrong to continue to feign interest in someone cause you just wanna see them naked? Yes ..yes it is.

Found out someone I knew just passed away. I'm just tired of all this death.

It puts me in a mood.

Oh niggas I thought I was DONE for. But the doctor emailed me my results: not pregnant
I felt like the men on Maury when they find out they ain't the father. Survived another month!
I gained 7 pounds in 4 weeks and was constantly nauseated. I'm probably just hella lactose intolerant.

*moonwalks with a whiskey shot*

And why is my doctor so fine? He has this sorta ethnic ambiguous type of thing going on.
He's tall, very fit with a baby face but has lots of silver hairs running through his mane.
He looks like maybe he's white, but one of his parents or grandparents is Asian. He's a walking gorgeous oxymoron.

congratulations!

*toasts with you*

"not pregnant"

Congrats, tho.

Have we discussed this yet:

http://thirstiestmenofinstagram.tumblr.com/

Water, protein, and kegels brehs. Thank me later.


Back to my point, fuck this school shit. Not even 72 hours in and I already hate the US healthcare system. Give me that Canadian system already. Bring on Le socialism.

I have a confession I'm nicer than I appear to be. My neighbors thought I was going to rob them only to ask me for help moving in after a few minutes. I assisted them and kept it moving. That was my good deed for the day.

Last night my friend sent me a link labeled as look at Jin on awards show. Oh well, you live and you learn not to take what your friends say seriously.

Is there some type of illness that causes men to throw up frequently because whatever that is, I have it. Screw getting a test tho.

Finally, Portland OKPs I'm coming on a fucking horse. Hide your sisters-in-law, hide your puppies, hide your smartphones, because I'm coming gotdammit. Okay don't hide your sisters-in-law if they're not racists and let me hold your smartphone for a few seconds. Yeah, I'm coming dammit.

Raggedy hoodrats will always be just that.

I've had obstacles already in the new year, but jumping over hurdles
so smoove lol.

Got my new laptop finally, it's goin down!

Updating my entire DJ setup. Like I said "open for business" to the
fullest in 2015.

Reawakening to so many truths I forgot man.

this irks the shit out of me.

I mean....I'm a BAKER, yo...i grew up baking....

but the key isn't the baking....it's the butter.

If you don't nail the butter...you fucked up the bake.

And I ain't nailed the butter.

Maybe I'll buy a zone of some reggie and practice.

Dude too busy when he flies into town yo....anybody wanna drop squad big homie at the airport next time he says he's coming to visit relatives?

D

I got married, I love my husband. Found a new career, and I am back in school for Environmental Science. A couple of years ago, I had to make a decision, continue this life with no purpose, or try to do something great. I chose greatness.

And having the support of such a great man helps, but I needed change. I'm so happy I can't even remember being sad. I had to x a lot of people out of my life including Okp. (Not that I don't love you guys, just spent too much time on here). But I do want to say that I had a lot of inspiration from here. To go back to school over 34 is hard enough, but what can my future look like if I didn't have the courage to do so - you folks gave me courage with your stories/lives so I had to do the same. And with the help of martial arts the discipline set me straight. Right now I can't wait til my husband and I go on this expedition to assess the habitat of sea turtles this summer - I love science.

im happy that you came back with good news
God bless

How have you been?

having the support of someone while you pursue a dream is golden