I have an abusive past. I've dated a few who were what most people would consider unstable, but my most recent one made my life a living hell. He drove me to the point where I've become jaded and too afraid to let my guard down and be receptive of men. Especially, If they come off too nice and charming. It's so fucked up because, I know there's so many good guys out there who are genuine and not scheming.

you can't force your body's guard down and perhaps you shouldn't til you meet someone who doesn't have all your red lights flashing...



"i wanna hug all u idiotic bastards & then set you all on fire" -Bin

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DROkayplayer: Giving you good puff since May '05

Which can lead to me jumping to conclusions about people.

which led you to abusive men, and eliminate them.

reinvent yourself and what you find attractive, experiment with new ideas.

immerse yourself in activities/hobbies that you don't normally pay any attention to, it will open up your heart and mind to people who do not follow the same patterns.

take it very slow and be very open and vocal about it.

wish you the best.

You can join a support group: http://coda.org

I don't think so. My intentions don't involve me trying to take care or change. I don't purposely seek out unstable men.

I can't spend the rest of my life assuming that the next man will be crazy, if not even me crazy.

how do I become less fearful of men?


>I can't spend the rest of my life assuming that the next man
>will be crazy, if not even me crazy.

overcoming the (very understandable) distrust you have is not going to be easy. i bet it pops up at times that you're not even aware of it, and obviously all the instances in which you are aware.

the big thing is that you recognize it and you understand that it can hurt you and hurt someone who has a genuine interest in loving you. that's the first step, now getting help to work through your past and avoiding repeating it once you're ready is the next one.

these types of things cast long shadows, so have patience and hopefully you find patient people to help you through it, too.

With no romantic intentions on either side.
You got some guy friends?

down the line, ended up trying to pursue me: and that just made things awkward between us. I just don't believe that heterosexual people of the opposite sex can genuinely remain platonic.

I know that it seems weird in some circles...
I have a guy friend who has a really hard time believing I'm not trying to fuck my female friends. But I'm not. And I don't.