>Whoever said meditation is practice for death wasn't lying.
>It's hard to be consistent because it's as if I'm
>subconsciously afraid of the "emptiness".


What you feel is common and in fact many experienced monks and nuns actually struggle to meditate for that same reason. One priest I respect said she sometimes has to fight through personal resistance meditate at times because she knows she's going to have to come in contact with that fear as she meditates. Even the Dalai Lama experiences anxiety as he meditates from what I've heard.

But if you're pressing yourself to meditate, that isn't healthy as well. You're going to hear enough criticism from other people during the day so there's no reason to pile that on top of yourself as well. Meditation is difficult and if you're pressing that's added pressure that also isn't going to allow you to fully benefit from your practice.

I asked a woman who is an experienced meditator once about how to improve my consistency and she replied that when I was *ready* to meditate more, that I simply would.

Whether because of the accumulation of heartbreak and trauma (both big and small) or because it's simply part of being human, there's a part of everyone that is in some form of existential crisis. But the fact that you notice that block to your sense of emotional rest is a good thing, in fact. Your awareness of the source of insecurity will become clearer and as a result insights will come to mind which will lead you to take action to further alleviate that anxiety. Whether its simply emoting that anxiety in some way or consciously shifting your attitude about obstacles in your life.

Hope this helps some.