Don't worry about me, though. You've already read my mind, so you know there's no malicious intent there, except for the whole me being inherently racist, because OF COURSE I AM I'M WHITE HEEELLLLLOOOOOO???? I couldn't possibly have my own post-traumatic stress mental health conditions that cause me to view the world in a non-standard, messed-up way. But you know that, because you read minds. Which is awesome.

Makes me think of this one night at work, closing up the store. We have single user public restrooms. At five till closing, one of the managers walks the store, reminds everyone still browsing that we're closing and checks the fitting rooms and restrooms. When it comes to the fitting rooms and restrooms, we knock and say something like, "If this is occupied, please finish up as we are closing in five minutes" or something like that. I was closing down registers, so my closing assistant manager was the one doing the walk around. He is Mexican. Few minutes pass, he comes up to the register and lets me know there's a few people still browsing and one of the restrooms is occupied; just giving me a status update, standard procedure. Few minutes later, customer (who also happens to be Mexican) approaches the register, has a few items set down on the counter and says, "Hey, I just wanted to let you guys know, you lost a sale tonight because you were giving me a hard time about being in the bathroom a few minutes ago." I'm confused, so I say, "I'm sorry? What happened?" Him: "Well, I didn't like the way you told me to get out of the bathroom and, you know, me being Mexican. . . I don't know, that doesn't look good for you guys because you were singling me out because of that."

Now, you already know what's wrong with this picture.

1) How the HELL are we supposed to see through a goddamned locked door and know you are who you are?

2) The guy who talked to you IS THE SAME AS YOU.

3) Vacating the store at closing time is *literally* his job.

But, somehow, this guy was absolutely sure he had been the target of some sort of racially motivated something and I was obviously the one who had carried it out because of who I am.

Continue reading minds. You're very good at it.


(Also, the whole idea of you saying that I need to get the help that I need and trying to be "the good guy" is pretty scumbaggy and goes to show that you have your own prejudices about people with mental health issues. And, yes, maybe those ideas are there because of how people in my condition have been ostracized and misunderstood throughout most of modern history. It's not your fault. I take my medications. I go to my sessions. Thanks for your concern, but we're not all just lunatics, walking down the street barefoot and screaming at the sky. But, even if I was that sick, your concern still wouldn't be genuine. Most likely, you'd avoid me altogether. So, probably best to keep that to yourself.)

os·ti·na·to
/ˌästəˈnädō/
noun
a continually repeated musical phrase or rhythm

http://austinato.bandcamp.com

https://www.discogs.com/lists/Favorites-of-2017/332378