Funny thing is my pops gave me the same sort of lessons, I took them to heart, so I've never been surprised or let down by a white person like this author is describing.

These kids need to toughen up. Old Man Gripe done.


>http://afropunk.com/2017/07/white-friends-comes-trauma-im-not-willing-deal-anymore/
>
>I can’t take no ‘mo, White People.
>
>I can’t answer any White People demanding an explanation for
>why something is “racist”. I can’t take anymore White
>People sending me videos of Black People being murdered
>without thinking of how it will affect me. I can’t sit
>through any more arguments for why race “isn’t always a
>factor”. And I can’t keep ignoring the cowardice silence
>when it’s time for White People to confront each other about
>race.
>
>My dad warned me about White People when I was around 7 or 8.
>He told me that no matter how close I felt to these people, I
>would always be first and foremost Black in their mind. And at
>no time could a Black person rely on a White person to put
>their privilege on the side if it ever becomes a Me vs. Them
>situation. As a kid, this was, frankly, another one of my
>dad’s pessimistic, paranoid lectures. Be on the lookout at
>all times just…in case. And as an outgoing, compassionate
>human-being his words rolled off my back. But in time I’ve
>learned that Daddy-o was onto something and the ugly truth is
>that in one way or another, White friends, largely, just
>aren’t safe to have.
>
>I really learned this lesson with White Moms. They stunned me
>the most. Women who have known me through adolescence, fed me
>and looked out for me at times, let out lashes of vapor that
>scared me. These maternal figures have always welcomed me into
>their homes, embraced me warmly, and made me feel part of
>their limited restriction “we’d rather you do it in the
>house” households. The privilege of light skin, perhaps,
>caused me to appear less threatening to them and a respectable
>dose of home training meant that these experiences with white
>families seemed pleasant.
>
>These immersions into white vacuums, places where I shrunk as
>to not take up too much white space, doing so with an
>unrealized desperation to re-affirm my normality. As if
>sharing a meal, sleeping in White folks sheets meant that I
>wasn’t inherently unsavory, despite the re-enforcements from
>the outside world.
>
>The first of these times, I was visiting my best friend from
>middle school. My second trip home in Southern California
>after moving to Atlanta. My friend, her mom, and were chatting
>in the kitchen. I had already sent my own mother an SOS text
>to pick me up. We talked about my new life, how I was
>adjusting so far from the beach, and whether or not I had
>found a boyfriend down there. And when I said no to the last,
>her mother leaned across the table and grabbed my forearm
>reassuringly and said, “At least now you can meet someone of
>your own kind.”
>
>It was like a punch in the face. But it was hardly the last
>time a White elder tried to put me in my place. But it was the
>first time I allowed myself to acknowledge the malice being
>spewed at me by a White person I trusted.
>
>With every close relationship I’ve had with a White person,
>their unconscious but blatant biases against and
>misunderstandings of Black People, in particular, tends to
>reveal itself sooner or later. Unprompted and accepting
>admissions that their Good White parents aren’t racist but
>would never “let” them date a black person, the
>tokenizing, the microaggressions, and dismissals of Black
>pain. The emotional labor, the holding back, the shrinking
>required to put up with the willful ignorance and mismanaged
>guilt and resentment of White People is too much.
>
>And the fact of the matter is that I’m finding it impossible
>to trust any White Person to not, at some point, perpetuate
>ideologies that oppress me. Being friends with White People is
>just too fucking hard on my psyche.
>


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"Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face. Then they don't have a plan anymore." (c) Mike Tyson

"what's a leader if he isn't reluctant"