and it happened during the period of my life where i began to humanize my parents.

for years I was just numb to the idea of him - as in, he was never in the picture really so I really felt no sense of "why didnt he love me?" or "why was he never there?" until I was deep in adulthood.

short of it is that moms protected me from him because he was quite literally a pimp/hustler/badass/drug user/alcoholic/bad time bobby.

I have a half sister who was actually raised by him during his peak drug and alcohol phase and its night and day.

she hates him and would gladly shit on his grave

I now enjoy his company (we reconnected many years ago and regularly speak) and understand his flaws - I don't exactly forgive but I see the bigger picture now.

Living is hard shit.