>It really all comes down to what you were trained to consider
>norms of social etiquette and whether you are norms are
>consistent with the folks around you.

If that's REALLY true to you and that's your true feeling, why the need to impose that value on anyone else? Why the smug, arrogant perception that anyone who doesn't subscribe to your particular values are "raised by wolves"?

>The real question is whether I was outside the norm to expect
>people to remove it or whether he was outside the norm to not
>remove it (also how much he cared about observing the norm
>established by the group he was in).

Whether you are outside the norm is immaterial because the only question that matters is whether or not it's a reasonable expectation. The "norm" is not the same as "right" or, to a lesser and more reasonable standard, "reasonable".

Your last statement about him observing the norm of the group he was in reeks of mob rule and a desire for strict, arbitrary adherence that amounts to "because we said so". If that's not a bully tact I don't know what is.

>But let's not act like there is this objective reasonable
>social etiquette standard.

Well, it's not reasonable... which makes it unreasonable. It's not unreasonable to hold that standard unto yourself or even pass it down to your children. It's unreasonable to demand adherence from anyone else.