Once you get to the jelly, I like it. I think you take a little too long to get there, but that's me.

I'd also fatten up the patch for the chord that leads right into the "chorus" - right now, that patch sounds fine as an ominous single lead, but it comes off a little thin for a full chord.

My $.02; I could be wrong.
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Tony "Keynote" Sebro
http://beats.jahrockn.com