-"no i don't believe in alien abductions, but i do believe in anal probes though."

-"a deviated septum, clearly a sign of the devil"

-so what's happening? a peanut butter fetish and insatiable lust for quarters

-"had i known she was singing about god, that woulda creeped me out."

-"i happen to know god hated pat boone."

-you take yours, i'll take mime

-son of sam was the first jewish serial killer. "way to go dave."

-"there's a reason there's a group called humble pie. take a slice."

-like six village people rolled into one

-scary moment of the year: burt reynolds still got it on lock