Billy Passgastigan (Leo) tries to hunt down crazy taxi driver Travis Beefkil (DeNiro) who is going on a killing spree. Billy then finds out that Travis is just one part of a plot against the Mayor of New York and the brains behind the plan are Bill the Plumber (Daniel Day-Lewis) and Chowbox Bertha (Hershey). They plan on unleashing a dangerous gas in the city's subways. After dispatching with Bill's henchman Mini-Max (Snipes) (who just keeps yelling "You think you're bad?! You think you're bad?!"), pimp Charlie Crappa (Keitel) and insane comic Rupoop Poopkin (DeNiro again), Billy's only chance is to enlist the help of snitch Henry Hillofdung (Liotta) and the legendary boxer Raging Hard-on to battle it out. They fly to NY in Howard Hugerection's plane In the end, the Dalai Lama and Jesus swoop in and kick everyone in the balls and everyone decides to go back to play pool together with Fast Eddie Felcher (Newman).

That is until, someone notices the toilet is empy and someone yells out, "Hey, where's Alice?" which sets up the sequel. Alice Doesn't Shit Here Anymore.