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Forum namePass The Popcorn Archives
Topic subjectCheck out Ebert's tres amusing one * review of Failure to Launch (swipe).
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=23&topic_id=36490
36490, Check out Ebert's tres amusing one * review of Failure to Launch (swipe).
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 11:27 AM
From: http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060309/REVIEWS/60308002/-1/email_headlines

Failure to Launch

BY ROGER EBERT / March 10, 2006

Cast & Credits
Trip: Matthew McConaughey
Paula: Sarah Jessica Parker
Kit: Zooey Deschanel
Demo: Bradley Cooper
Ace: Justin Bartha
Sue: Kathy Bates
Al: Terry Bradshaw
Jeffrey: Tyrell Jackson Williams

Paramount presents a film directed by Tom Dey. Written by Tom J. Astle and Matt Ember. Running time: 97 minutes. Rated PG-13 (for sexual content, partial nudity and language).


During the course of "Failure to Launch," characters are bitten by a chipmunk, a dolphin, a lizard and a mockingbird. I am thinking my hardest why this is considered funny, and I confess defeat. Would the movie be twice as funny if the characters had also been bitten by a Chihuahua, a naked mole rat and a donkey? I was bitten by a donkey once. It was during a visit to Stanley Kubrick's farm, outside London. I was the guest of the gracious Christiane Kubrick, who took me on a stroll and showed me the field where she cares for playground donkeys after their retirement. I rested my hand on the fence, and a donkey bit me. "Stop that!" I said, and the donkey did. If I had lost a finger, it would have been a great consolation to explain that it had been bitten off by one of Mrs. Stanley Kubrick's retired donkeys.

But I digress. "Failure to Launch" is about a 35-year-old man named Trip (Matthew McConaughey), who still lives at home with his parents. They dream of being empty-nesters, and hire a woman named Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker), who is a specialist at getting grown men to move out of their parents' homes. Her method is simple: You look nice, you find out what they like, and you pretend to like it, too. You encourage them to share a sad experience with you. And you ask them to teach you something. In this case, he likes paintball, her dog has to be put to sleep, and he teaches her to sail. Actually, it's not her dog, and it's not really put to sleep, but never mind.

Sue and Al (Kathy Bates and Terry Bradshaw) are Trip's parents. "I never sleep with my clients," Paula tells them. What she does is take hardened bachelors, force them to fall in love with her, and use that leverage to get them to move out of the parental home, after which she breaks up with them, and they're fine. If this sounds to you like a cross between pathological cruelty and actionable fraud, I could not agree more. On the other hand, Trip is no more benign. His strategy is to date a girl until she begins to like him, and then take her home to bed, not telling her it is his parents' home. "The only reason he brings girls to dinner is because he's breaking up with them!" Sue warns Paula.

Oh, what stupid people these are. Stupid to do what they do, say what they say, think what they think, and get bitten by a chipmunk, a dolphin, a lizard and a mockingbird. Actually, it's Trip's friend, Ace (Justin Bartha), who is bitten by the mockingbird. He is dating Paula's surly roommate Kit (Zooey Deschanel). She hates the mockingbird because it keeps her awake at nights. They hunt it with a BB gun, only intending to wound it, but alas, the bird is peppered with BBs and seems to be dead, and ... no, I'm not even going to gothere. "You can't kill a mockingbird!" Ace tells her. "Why not?" she asks. "You know!" he says. "That book, To Kill a Mockingbird"! No, she doesn't know. "I can't believe you don't know that," Ace says. Not know what? It's not titled To Kill a Mockingbird Would Be Wrong.

Ace gives the bird the kiss of life, and they pump its furry little chest, and it recovers and bites Ace. Kit, meanwhile, has fallen in love with Ace. Which is my cue to tell you that Zooey Deschanel on this same weekend is opening in two movies; in this one she plays an airhead who saves the life of a mockingbird, and in the other one, "Winter Passing," she plays an alcoholic actress who drowns her cat, which is dying from leukemia. It's an impressive stretch, like simultaneously playing Lady Macbeth and judging "American Idol." Deschanel is actually very good in "Winter Passing" and fairly good in "Failure to Launch." You know the joke about how polite Canadians are. If a movie is great, they say it's "very good," and if a movie is terrible, they say it's "fairly good."

I cannot bring myself to describe how Trip's other friend, a computer geek named Demo (Bradley Cooper) kidnaps him, locks him in a closet and tricks Paula into being locked in Demo's room with him, so that they will be forced to confess their love to one another while Trip remains tied to a chair and Demo uses hidden iSight cameras to telecast this event, live and with sound, for the entertainment of complete strangers in a restaurant, who watch it on a wall-sized video screen.

Now to get technical. The editing of the film is strangely fragmented. I first noticed this during a backyard conversation between the parents. There's unusually jerky cutting on lines of dialogue, back and forth, as if the film is unwilling to hold the characters in the same shot while they talk to each other. This turbulence continues throughout the film. Back and forth we go, as if the camera's watching a tennis match. I would question the editor, Steven Rosenblum, but he's the same man who edited "Braveheart," "Glory" and "The Last Samurai," so I know this isn't his style. Did the director, Tom Dey, favor quick cutting for some reason? Perhaps because he couldn't stand to look at any one shot for very long? That's the way I felt.

Note: "Failure to Launch" is rated PG-13 and "Joyeux Noel," about enemy soldiers in World War I celebrating Christmas together, is rated R. I mention that as additional evidence that the MPAA ratings people have cut loose from sanity and are thrashing about at random.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36491, RE: Check out Ebert's tres amusing one * review of Failure to Launch (swipe).
Posted by REDeye, Fri Mar-10-06 01:00 PM
>But I digress.

>Note: "Failure to Launch" is rated PG-13 and "Joyeux Noel,"
>about enemy soldiers in World War I celebrating Christmas
>together, is rated R. I mention that as additional evidence
>that the MPAA ratings people have cut loose from sanity and
>are thrashing about at random.

I love it when he digresses.

RED
http://arrena.blogspot.com
36492, Haha, me too.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 04:24 PM
I still remember his review of Constantine, where he digresses about emperor penguins (relating to seeing March of the Penguins at Cannes).


>>But I digress.
>I love it when he digresses.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36493, Ok I'll admit it. I saw it. Wasnt as bad as I thought it'd be.
Posted by jigga, Fri Mar-10-06 01:46 PM
It's nothing like Grandma's Boy (as I originally thought it might be from the trailer) & not as funny but it still had its moments. I saw Zooey's other flick as well & this one was much more enjoyable. Wasnt expecting the nude scene 2 come from Terry Bradshaw tho. Him & Kathy Bates can kindly keep their clothes on from now on.
36494, he never mentioned Trip's black nephew.
Posted by Ray_Snill, Tue Aug-15-06 10:09 AM
or the funniest line ever spoke on a movie.

"you know that's not Trip's REAL nephew"



<=============================
I love you all,


Ray


www.3rdkuhzin.com
36495, that Canadian stereotype
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 02:07 PM
more-or-less true.
36496, Sidenote:
Posted by stylez dainty, Fri Mar-10-06 02:10 PM
The quote in your sig is awesome. I agree wholeheartedly. It's why I hate ostriches so much. They're like chickens with power.
36497, hah
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 02:12 PM
true enough.
36498, Once, I was in a jeep that was chased by an angry ostrich
Posted by mrhood75, Fri Mar-10-06 02:13 PM
It was a very disturbing experience.
36499, I was chased by a peacock
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 03:55 PM
when I was a kid.
36500, I was attacked by crows once on an Iowa interstate
Posted by buckshot defunct, Fri Mar-10-06 04:08 PM
Had a pretty bad run in with a bluejay once, too.

Yeah man... fuck birds.
36501, Sure, you've got the beauty of flight and all that,
Posted by stylez dainty, Fri Mar-10-06 04:14 PM
but up close and personal, birds in general are kind of strange, creepy creatures. I'd trust a fish before I trusted a bird. A FISH!
36502, where do flying fishes fit?
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 04:25 PM
36503, just below snakes on planes
Posted by jigga, Fri Mar-10-06 05:44 PM
36504, coach?
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 10:50 PM
36505, Coach?!?!?! Coach my ass! The snakes are flyin the plane son!
Posted by jigga, Mon Mar-13-06 01:11 PM
Thought u knew!
36506, Red-winged blackbirds are some mean bitches.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 04:31 PM
I used to go walking by Lake Michigan on the Northwestern University campus in Evanston, IL, and red-winged blackbirds would nest in the bushes right next to this one part of the trail. So, whenever someone walked by there, they'd fly out squawking and chase 'em down, all mean. It got so I had to change my route to avoid that area every spring.

I've also had geese hiss and come after me. I was provoking them, though, so I deserved it. lol


>Had a pretty bad run in with a bluejay once, too.
>
>Yeah man... fuck birds.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36507, Red-winged blackbirds! THAT'S what they were!!
Posted by buckshot defunct, Fri Mar-10-06 05:39 PM
It was scary as shit, too, because I was out running alone and enjoying the farm country, quite literally in the middle of nowhere. I think the nearest town was a good 6 miles away at that point, and a flock of these little fuckers just swarmed on my ass, tugging at my hair and stuff. I'd swat at them, and it did nothing. They'd just peck at my hands. I basically just had to duck down and run for it. I lived.

I had a goose beak the crap out of my leg once as well. Again I was running. And underestimating a bird's capacity for hate.

There's an owl around my place that's been giving me some shit lately. I'll keep you posted on that one.

The birds aren't as bad as the dogs though. But so far my scariest animal encounters were the alligator and the mountain lions (those were 2 separate occasions, just to be clear)

Basically what I'm saying is I should probably have my own reality series on Animal Planet.
36508, "When Animals Attack Buck!!!"
Posted by mrhood75, Fri Mar-10-06 05:50 PM
I'd so totally watch that.

WTF happened with the Mountain Lion?
36509, Mountain LionS... there were 3 of them.
Posted by buckshot defunct, Fri Mar-10-06 06:03 PM
I wish I could tell you that I fended off their attack with nothing more than a pair of nunchucks hastily fashioned out of two twigs and a shoelace, but unfortunately that is simply not how it went down.

Basically I was just up running through the mountains, looked up and there were 3 mountain lions up on a rock looking down on me. But that was it. They just looked at me and I looked at them and that was pretty much the end. I don't think it even registered with me until later that day, like "oh damn, I coulda been lunch." What fucked me up though, was that I was just still pretty much in the city, and these things were just wandering around like it's no big thing. One of the many reasons why I can't fuck with Colorado.
36510, Well, you got lucky
Posted by mrhood75, Fri Mar-10-06 06:08 PM
'Cause you were out jogging, and if you had run away, they probably would have chased you, 'cause they enjoy the chase and all that good shit.

And I'm not necessarily surprised they were so close to the city either. I used to be a reporter in a 45,000 person city in the South Bay Area, and there were frequent Mountain Lion sightings. When I talked to the park rangers, they'd say, "Well, we're basically living in their homes. The cities have expanded so far, so fast, and they don't have anywhere else to go."
36511, I think it's about time you gave up jogging....
Posted by okaycomputer, Fri Mar-10-06 07:12 PM
it's just not working out well for you.
36512, Damn. This made me think of Six Feet Under.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 07:23 PM
There was an episode where the death of the week was someone being pounced on by a mountain lion while out running (hiking, biking, whatever).

>I wish I could tell you that I fended off their attack with
>nothing more than a pair of nunchucks hastily fashioned out of
>two twigs and a shoelace,

LOL

>Basically I was just up running through the mountains, looked
>up and there were 3 mountain lions up on a rock looking down
>on me. But that was it. They just looked at me and I looked at
>them and that was pretty much the end. I don't think it even
>registered with me until later that day, like "oh damn, I
>coulda been lunch."

Damn. I agree with okaycomputer...you need to rethink the jogging. lol





~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36513, Moose are scarier
Posted by DrNO, Fri Mar-10-06 10:55 PM
and they just casually walk around towns in national parks in Alberta.
My grandparents had a timeshare in Glacier and every night bears would invade the area leaving the rangers to fight them off. I think there was actually a siren.

I was chased by a badger in Lethbridge once.
36514, You know what are even worse? Hippos
Posted by mrhood75, Sat Mar-11-06 02:06 AM
Just to digress even more from the main topic, let me break it down.

I was in South Africa about a year and a half ago, on this three-day safari. The first night we stayed in the town by a river/estuary that was a major hotspot for stuff like alligators and hippos. Now even though the hippos live in the river, they journey out to the surrounding grassy areas to eat. And they usually do this during the middle of the night. So apparently, in the town by the river, it's not unusual to spot hippos wandering down the streets at 2 or 3 a.m. on their way to eat. And if there's one animal you don't want to fuck with, it's a hippo. They cause more human deaths every year than any other animal.
36515, Moose are probably more lethal on the road
Posted by DrNO, Sat Mar-11-06 04:03 AM
Good thing the Swedes are looking out for us:
http://www.lafferty.ca/photos/Things/Saab_9-3/tn/saab_moose_test.jpg.html
36516, I don't know, from I understand, Hippos are pretty lethal anywhere
Posted by mrhood75, Sat Mar-11-06 01:44 PM
That sweedish thing is a trip though
36517, it's a trip and it makes sense
Posted by DrNO, Sat Mar-11-06 07:01 PM
a local Member of Parliament here is actually a quadrapalegic because of a moose collision.
36518, Damn, that's scary!
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 07:16 PM
a flock of these little fuckers just
>swarmed on my ass, tugging at my hair and stuff. I'd swat at
>them, and it did nothing. They'd just peck at my hands. I
>basically just had to duck down and run for it. I lived.

Wow. That would freak me out badly. I never got pecked, but I saw it happen to some other people. Yikes.

>
>I had a goose beak the crap out of my leg once as well. Again
>I was running.

And underestimating a bird's capacity for
>hate.

Yeah, geese are pure evil. It's bad enough they shit all over the damn place in copious amounts, but then they gotta be mean?



>
>There's an owl around my place that's been giving me some shit
>lately. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Yes, please do. I almost hit one awhile back. I was pulling into the driveway of my apt complex and it was standing there in the middle of the driveway, just chillin'. There's a wooded area behind my building, but I didn't think it had that kind of wildlife in it. lol


>Basically what I'm saying is I should probably have my own
>reality series on Animal Planet.

I would totally watch that!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36519, Ay yo, buckshot!
Posted by kurlyswirl, Tue Jul-18-06 02:36 AM
It's been 4 months: What's goin' on with the owl? :-p


>There's an owl around my place that's been giving me some shit
>lately. I'll keep you posted on that one.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36520, lol! That owl don't want it with me, Kurly!!
Posted by buckshot defunct, Tue Jul-18-06 12:44 PM
He was all talk. Or all hoot, as it were. Nothing ever came of it. And now that the weather's warmed up I haven't seen him at all. Are owls migratory? Or hiberna...tory?

These days it's just horseflies, mosquitos, and the occasional stray dog. Nothing too exciting.
36521, UPDATE: EGRETS ARE FUCKING CRAZY
Posted by buckshot defunct, Mon Aug-14-06 11:06 PM
AND VERY, VERY DIFFICULT TO ENGAGE IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT

(I THINK IT'S DUE TO THEIR LACK OF HANDS)





(thanks, kurl)
36522, Details, man! n/m
Posted by kurlyswirl, Mon Aug-14-06 11:08 PM

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36523, okay, take the redwing blackbird story, and substitute with egret
Posted by buckshot defunct, Mon Aug-14-06 11:18 PM
Only make it night time, in between a swamp and a biker bar by then ame of 'Otto's Cajun Daquiris & Karaoke', and about 100,000X more terrifying.

The bitch blind-sided me too.

Now I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but I'm sorry... if I'm in a life or death situation, I WILL slap an egret... AND DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. You think you know who you are??? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! © Crash

EDIT: I left out the best part!! As the egret is ferociously flapping at my face, I look up, and what do I see but...THE FUCKING OWL. Looking a little too pleased with the situation, if you smell what I'm cooking. Pardon the pun, but... I think they were in ca-hoots.

Long story short, no one got hurt. I think. I mean, I know *I* wasn't hurt. It's hard to tell with egrets, since they fly kind of funny to begin with.

Here's a picture, for those of you who failed 9th grade biology:

http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imagen:Egretta_thula1.jpg

Doesn't really do the beast justice though. You really gotta look directly into their eyes to get the full effect.
36524, Damn.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Tue Aug-15-06 01:00 AM
>Only make it night time, in between a swamp and a biker bar
>by then ame of 'Otto's Cajun Daquiris & Karaoke', and about
>100,000X more terrifying.

hmm...I wonder what's in a Cajun daquiri?


>
>The bitch blind-sided me too.
>
>Now I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but I'm
>sorry... if I'm in a life or death situation, I WILL slap an
>egret... AND DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. You think you know who
>you are??? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! © Crash

And so, you slapped it?


>
>EDIT: I left out the best part!! As the egret is ferociously
>flapping at my face, I look up, and what do I see but...THE
>FUCKING OWL. Looking a little too pleased with the situation,
>if you smell what I'm cooking. Pardon the pun, but... I think
>they were in ca-hoots.

LMAO!


>
>Long story short, no one got hurt. I think. I mean, I know *I*
>wasn't hurt. It's hard to tell with egrets, since they fly
>kind of funny to begin with.

lol! Well, I'm glad you weren't hurt.


>
>Here's a picture, for those of you who failed 9th grade
>biology:
>
>http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imagen:Egretta_thula1.jpg
>
>Doesn't really do the beast justice though. You really gotta
>look directly into their eyes to get the full effect.

Yeah, see, you got fuzzy little baby egrets in the pic. That's no good.

You oughta like this description:

"As with other herons, the crudeness of the nest, the elliptical form of the egg, and other signs suggest to some scientists that these birds are one of the lower forms on the scale of bird life, not far removed from the reptiles, when one reckons in eons of time."

From: http://www.assateague.com/sn-egret.html

So, was your egret of the Snowy or Great persuasion?


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36525, RE: Damn.
Posted by buckshot defunct, Tue Aug-15-06 09:17 AM
>>Only make it night time, in between a swamp and a biker bar
>>by then ame of 'Otto's Cajun Daquiris & Karaoke', and about
>>100,000X more terrifying.
>
>hmm...I wonder what's in a Cajun daquiri?

My guess would be booze

>>The bitch blind-sided me too.
>>
>>Now I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but I'm
>>sorry... if I'm in a life or death situation, I WILL slap an
>>egret... AND DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. You think you know who
>>you are??? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! © Crash
>
>And so, you slapped it?

It slapped me first



>"As with other herons, the crudeness of the nest, the
>elliptical form of the egg, and other signs suggest to some
>scientists that these birds are one of the lower forms on the
>scale of bird life, not far removed from the reptiles, when
>one reckons in eons of time."

I'm telling you, I looked it in the eyes and it was the raptors from Jurassic Park all over again.


>From: http://www.assateague.com/sn-egret.html
>
>So, was your egret of the Snowy or Great persuasion?

I dunno... it was dark you know... but it's hard to imagine anything 'snowy' living down here. Which ones are the biggest a-holes?
36526, RE: Damn.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Tue Aug-15-06 11:22 AM

>>hmm...I wonder what's in a Cajun daquiri?
>
>My guess would be booze

Well, yeah...and hot sauce instead of fruit.



>>>Now I'm all for the ethical treatment of animals, but I'm
>>>sorry... if I'm in a life or death situation, I WILL slap
>an
>>>egret... AND DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME. You think you know
>who
>>>you are??? YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! © Crash
>>
>>And so, you slapped it?
>
>It slapped me first

Well, that's fair, then.



>>"As with other herons, the crudeness of the nest, the
>>elliptical form of the egg, and other signs suggest to some
>>scientists that these birds are one of the lower forms on
>the
>>scale of bird life, not far removed from the reptiles, when
>>one reckons in eons of time."
>
>I'm telling you, I looked it in the eyes and it was the
>raptors from Jurassic Park all over again.

LOL

I don't like that these vicious egrets are lumped in with blue herons, which we have up here. They seem like such quiet, peaceful birds. I'd certainly hope they wouldn't start a slap fight.


>>So, was your egret of the Snowy or Great persuasion?
>
>I dunno... it was dark you know... but it's hard to imagine
>anything 'snowy' living down here. Which ones are the biggest
>a-holes?

Well, as you might tell from the name, the Great Egret is bigger. One of those sites said it can have up to a 50 ft wingspan. Pteryodactyl much?


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36527, honestly, I've always thought of them as beautiful creatures
Posted by buckshot defunct, Tue Aug-15-06 12:07 PM
I run thru this area a lot, and in the past I've even stopped a couple times to observe them. They always seemed so ... graceful to me. Certainly the prettiest creature I've ever seen in a swamp. Usually I'm watching the ground for the nutra rats and alligators (man, am I bama or what) but this time terror came from the skies.

Anyway, I'm not writing them off completely. Maybe this one was hopped up on cajun daquiris.
36528, Geese just axe to be provoked
Posted by Lightfoot, Sat Mar-11-06 04:39 PM
Those flocking fuckers make the most annoying noises and shit all over every golf course in the greater D.C. metropolitan area in summertime.

Several years ago at a really fancy country club around D.C., a really wealthy and important doctor was lining up for a putt on the 18th hole of the golf course. I believe money was on the line. Just as he brought his putter back a goose standing near the green honked loudly. the man missed badly. He was so mad he walked over to the goose and shalacked it with his putter, killing it instantly. What the man did not know was that this particular goose was a protected species.

I'm pretty sure he was convicted of his crime, but I'm not sure how severely he was punished.


>I've also had geese hiss and come after me. I was provoking
>them, though, so I deserved it. lol
36529, personally, I hate the ibis, they're jerks...
Posted by Mr Mech, Fri Mar-10-06 06:25 PM
It's the official bird of University of Miami and they're all over the campus. They have this strut that just makes me think "You ain't shit"; of course, I can only stare over my shoulder at the bird while I think it to myself. I unsuccessfully tried to run to over two with my bike.

Mech
36530, How does this make them different than the football players?
Posted by Marauder21, Fri Mar-10-06 10:56 PM
>they're all over the campus. They have this strut that just makes me think "You ain't shit";
36531, did you go to UM?
Posted by Mr Mech, Sat Mar-11-06 01:51 AM
Mech
36532, A pigeon pooped on my leg
Posted by 6FeetDeepInThought, Sat Mar-11-06 09:55 PM
And I saw a segull shit on a girl's head
36533, A pigeon pooped on my jacket once.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Tue Jul-18-06 02:43 AM
I'd just stepped out of the building in which I worked in downtown Chicago. All of a sudden, something splatters on the shoulder of my jacket. So, I go back in the restroom to wash it off. Well, this was some atomic bird shit. It wouldn't come out! And it wasn't like I could just hop in my car and get home with barely anyone seeing it. No. I had to take a bus and then a train home with a big white blotch on my shoulder.

It was a traumatic experience. It happened, like, 8 years ago, but I still get a little nervous when I have to walk under a bunch of birds sitting on a wire or a flock of seagulls. lol

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36534, Thank God they can't fly
Posted by DubSpt, Fri Mar-10-06 02:57 PM
Or we'd all be doomed
36535, DEAD*....
Posted by jetblack, Fri Mar-10-06 03:15 PM
36536, Speaking of bird-hate (seagulls)
Posted by Marauder21, Tue Jul-18-06 12:14 PM
There's a hill of debris on a vacant lot near downtown Milwaukee (by the MSOE Kern Center, across from the old Pfister Vogel building) where hundreds of seagulls congregate. I was walking down Water Street and some dumbass kids went by the hill and ALL these fucking seagulls were now hovering over my head. It was something out of The Birds. Frightening.
36537, i've never been up close to an ostrich
Posted by shockzilla, Mon Aug-14-06 11:14 PM
but emus are scary fucking creatures with their snake-like necks
and nasty dispositions
36538, I can't believe scenes like these are still in comedy movies
Posted by HiKwelity, Fri Mar-10-06 04:07 PM


>During the course of "Failure to Launch," characters are
>bitten by a chipmunk, a dolphin, a lizard and a mockingbird. I
>am thinking my hardest why this is considered funny, and I
>confess defeat.


...along with scenes with people getting hit in the nuts. Who the hell finds these scenes funny? I can make an exception for snakes biting people on planes, but other than that it's overused and never funny.
36539, I could explain why scenes like these are repeated in this movie
Posted by jigga, Fri Mar-10-06 04:18 PM
But yall would never believe it

>>During the course of "Failure to Launch," characters are
>>bitten by a chipmunk, a dolphin, a lizard and a mockingbird.
>I
>>am thinking my hardest why this is considered funny, and I
>>confess defeat.
>
>
>...along with scenes with people getting hit in the nuts. Who
>the hell finds these scenes funny? I can make an exception for
>snakes biting people on planes, but other than that it's
>overused and never funny.

Snake bites could get old & overused as well. I hope 2 see some passengers getting coiled & strangled by a few snakes as well
36540, It's the mistake of believing that things that funny in real life
Posted by stylez dainty, Fri Mar-10-06 04:21 PM
are funny in a movie.
36541, exactly
Posted by tappenzee, Tue Jul-18-06 09:17 AM
dude getting hit in the nuts = funny

simulation of dude getting hit in the nuts = lame
36542, if this movie add an element of racism, he'd add at least 2 1/2 stars
Posted by theprofessional, Fri Mar-10-06 04:27 PM
36543, funniest line
Posted by dj_whatzisname, Fri Mar-10-06 04:31 PM
I mention that as additional evidence
>that the MPAA ratings people have cut loose from sanity and
>are thrashing about at random.
36544, I love how this became a bird hate post
Posted by okaycomputer, Fri Mar-10-06 05:58 PM
36545, That is 1 of the most random post jacks of all time
Posted by jigga, Fri Mar-10-06 06:03 PM
I did my best 2 stick 2 the topic but these bird war stories are far more intriguing.
36546, Haha, yup.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 07:06 PM
I wasn't expecting this post to get many replies. :-p

>I did my best 2 stick 2 the topic but these bird war stories
>are far more intriguing.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36547, LOL! I was just gonna say the same thing. n/m
Posted by kurlyswirl, Fri Mar-10-06 07:05 PM

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
<-------------- You need to be watching this show.

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome™ DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl

I be Scrobblin': http://www.last.fm/user/TasteeTreat
36548, LOL, I was gonna say the same thing.
Posted by Solaam, Sat Mar-11-06 02:44 AM
One of the greatest post jacks ever.

Cats gettin' bodied by red-winged blackbirds and shit.


36549, I like how #4 is...
Posted by onanothalevel918, Fri Mar-10-06 07:37 PM
a digression to a 'digressive'(?) review...

this should be archived based on that alone...

AND there was a SOAP comment in there...

pure comedy...

I love PTP....








that is all...

good night...
36550, archive
Posted by dj_whatzisname, Sat Mar-11-06 03:51 PM
for real

he said "on owl's been giving me shit...ill keep you posted on that one"
36551, I saw this movie this weekend and it was awful
Posted by okaycomputer, Mon Jul-17-06 10:22 PM
BUT

it did remind me of this amazing bird hate post.
_________________________________

you used to be alright
what the hell happened?
36552, I know I'm waaaay late to this, but this hawk at our old house
Posted by lonesome_d, Tue Aug-15-06 09:31 AM
kept eating critters within view of the back door. We had to move when we had the baby cuze that old hawk was eyeballing our little boy something fierce.

Here's a picture of the hawk eating a duck:

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j127/lonesome_d/redtail_hawk_eating_duck003-vi.jpg


and here's a picture of him with a freshly killed squirelly squirrel:

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j127/lonesome_d/HAWK070204007-vi.jpg


and just for the hell of it, hee's a picture of the bass player and his fantastic moustache from the band at a wedding we went to this spring:

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j127/lonesome_d/weddingbandbassman003.jpg
36553, seriously though, fuck birds
Posted by buckshot defunct, Tue Aug-15-06 10:31 AM


36554, Yikes.
Posted by kurlyswirl, Tue Aug-15-06 01:17 PM
>kept eating critters within view of the back door. We had to
>move when we had the baby cuze that old hawk was eyeballing
>our little boy something fierce.

I don't blame you. Looks like that hawk was no joke. Poor duck! (I don't care much for squirrels, lol.)


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

kurly's Super-Duper Awesome DVD Collection:
http://www.dvdaficionado.com/dvds.html?cat=1&id=kurlyswirl
36555, All that was left of that mallard was its head, some down, & a stain.
Posted by lonesome_d, Tue Aug-15-06 02:09 PM
It was actually quite gruesome... but also fascinating. The hawk was working on him for the better part of an afternoon.

Our old place was good for that stuff... raccoon babies, a muskrat, a snapping turtle, a skunk (good until Eric the Cat got sprayed), the occasional Great Blue Heron, hummingbirds and even a cool Hummingbird Moth I id'd. In the new place all we get are too many deer, too many bunnies, and a pile of cicada killer wasps burrowing into the backyard (http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~hollidac/cicadakillerhome.html).
36556, Werner Herzog said:
Posted by Enobarbus, Tue Aug-15-06 12:31 PM
"Stupidity is the devil. Look in the eye of a chicken and you'll know. It's the most horrifying, cannibalistic, and nightmarish creature in this world."

Chickens are creepy.