1. Talk throughout the whole movie. I don't wanna hear huge gaps where I sorta hear the movie cause the volume is like 50%. That's no good.

2. Don't read prewritten essays. That's just awful and annoying and racist.

3. If you have multiple people on the commentary...put them in the same goddamn room and let them do the commentary TOGETHER (what a marvel idea huh?) I'm sick of hearing commentaries flash back and forth from person to person, placed seemingly arbitrarily to what's going on onscreen. Wack!

4. Funny commentaries are okay on funny movies and such. I will allow it.

5. Million person commentaries are, 9 times out of 10, no good. I'm afraid to listen to any of the LOTR commentaries for this reason...there are TOO many people listed on the back of the box for it to be any good. Keep it manageable...Kevin Smith probably does the best commentaries (in terms of comedy) and he uses 7 people or so per track, but he makes it work.

6. "Selected scene commentary" = Nix this from your vocabulary at all costs please, thanks.

More as I think of them.