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Forum namePass The Popcorn Archives
Topic subjectThe Definitive DVD Commentary Rules Post
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=23&topic_id=29062
29062, The Definitive DVD Commentary Rules Post
Posted by Ryan M, Thu May-19-05 12:01 AM
1. Talk throughout the whole movie. I don't wanna hear huge gaps where I sorta hear the movie cause the volume is like 50%. That's no good.

2. Don't read prewritten essays. That's just awful and annoying and racist.

3. If you have multiple people on the commentary...put them in the same goddamn room and let them do the commentary TOGETHER (what a marvel idea huh?) I'm sick of hearing commentaries flash back and forth from person to person, placed seemingly arbitrarily to what's going on onscreen. Wack!

4. Funny commentaries are okay on funny movies and such. I will allow it.

5. Million person commentaries are, 9 times out of 10, no good. I'm afraid to listen to any of the LOTR commentaries for this reason...there are TOO many people listed on the back of the box for it to be any good. Keep it manageable...Kevin Smith probably does the best commentaries (in terms of comedy) and he uses 7 people or so per track, but he makes it work.

6. "Selected scene commentary" = Nix this from your vocabulary at all costs please, thanks.

More as I think of them.
29063, Don't narrate...COMMENTATE!
Posted by FrankEinstein, Thu May-19-05 09:10 AM
Stop fucking describing what's happening on the screen and where we are in the story, asshole. I've seen the movie, I've bought the DVD, now I'm listening to the commentary. I KNOW what's going on, I've seen the movie! Think of something else to talk about or don't have a commentary track, bitch.
29064, Mel Brooks shoudl never be allowed to do one again
Posted by Slim Ass Rivets, Thu May-19-05 11:02 AM

He sits there and laughs at the jokes (that you know are now unfunny to all but him), and even worse...starts repeating punchlines as if we missed it.

The Spaceballs commmentary was horrocious
29065, horrocious?
Posted by willydynamite, Fri May-20-05 03:29 AM
29066, horrocious = opposite of scrumtrilescent
Posted by Slim Ass Rivets, Fri May-20-05 04:00 PM

It was so bad i had to make up a word to convey its not-goodedness
29067, Number one greatest offense.
Posted by biscuit, Thu May-19-05 05:11 PM
29068, Funniest Commentary I've Heard So Far - Boogie Nights
Posted by WarriorPoet415, Thu May-19-05 10:50 AM
On the special edition anyways....

Dudes are just chillin' in one of the actor's houses with some drinks, letting all types of hilarity spill out the piehole.


************************************************

<<<<<<<<Don't Drool On The Avy>>>>>>>>

"There's a fine line between persistence and foolishness..."
-unknown

"To Each His Reach"
-George Clinton

**************** OKP Free Agent****************
29069, "you think Luis Guzman was high that day?"
Posted by Myno, Thu May-19-05 11:09 AM
good shit
29070, Check out Conan the Barbarian
Posted by gmltheone, Thu May-19-05 02:38 PM
Ahnuld doing commentary is worth it.

-------------
Favorites songs of the moment
H2o Gate Blues & Song for Bobby Smith
29071, I bought Total Recall last week for that very reason
Posted by johnny_domino, Fri May-20-05 01:59 PM
also, it was $6
29072, ya, dis is where everyone's screwing.
Posted by fats, Fri May-20-05 09:36 PM
29073, RE: Check out Conan the Barbarian
Posted by brodie808, Sun May-22-05 09:20 AM
when he starts talking about that camel....

HILARIOUS.
29074, to avoid gaps
Posted by DrNO, Thu May-19-05 11:38 AM
get an interviewer if need be for the commentary who knows their shit.
29075, a good discussion leader is always a plus...
Posted by Mr Mech, Fri May-20-05 06:09 PM
This is why I like Bey Logan's commentaries so much. Even when he's on tracks with actors who don't speak english very well, he keeps things moving and interesting.

Mech
29076, Rule #1 should be...
Posted by MrMajor, Thu May-19-05 01:53 PM
Talk about the damn movie. Anyone ever watch the Big Trouble in Little China commentary? 20% of it was about the actual movie the other 80% of it was John Carpenter and Kurt Russell catching up on old times. Also when a derector goes into a long ramble that spills over into several other different scenes, scenes that you want them to talk about too but they to busy explaining something that happened 10 minutes ago.
29077, Um, I love that commentary.
Posted by Frank Longo, Thu May-19-05 02:09 PM
29078, Um, ok
Posted by MrMajor, Thu May-19-05 06:36 PM
It was still horrible though.
29079, Who says a commentary can't be casual/funny/scattershot?
Posted by Frank Longo, Fri May-20-05 12:50 PM
The Anchorman commentary is hilarious too, and it just wanders to and fro.
29080, Missing my point completely
Posted by MrMajor, Mon May-23-05 10:27 AM
A comedic commentary to comedy doesn't sound out of the ordinary, even one for a comedic action flick. But is it a lot to ask that a movie commentary talk about the movie thats being commented on? If you can't at least comment( comedicly, academically, casually or whatever) on the movie then whats the point? I'd like to hear your thoughts on the movie not "So whats bob been up to these days?"
29081, RE: The Definitive DVD Commentary Rules Post
Posted by REDeye, Thu May-19-05 02:22 PM
>3. If you have multiple people on the commentary...put them in
>the same goddamn room and let them do the commentary TOGETHER
>(what a marvel idea huh?) I'm sick of hearing commentaries
>flash back and forth from person to person, placed seemingly
>arbitrarily to what's going on onscreen. Wack!

I understand how this might be a problem, but logistically, it's going to be hard to assure that. And sometimes it works. On Pirates of the Caribbean, the three (sets of) screenwriters were not together, but for the most part it sounded like they were. They weren't talking to each other, but they all talked about what was happening on the screen and so their commentary was always on point.

RED
Ora et labora
29082, But see...
Posted by Ryan M, Thu May-19-05 03:06 PM
We live in a time now where people can do radio shows together at seperate parts of the country.

There is no reason they can't do this.
29083, schedules, man.
Posted by REDeye, Thu May-19-05 03:34 PM
These people are usually off working on other projects. It's not like they are just sitting around with nothing to do. Trying to get actors and directors and writers to have the same few hours available is just not realistic.

RED
Ora et labora
29084, disagree
Posted by colonelk, Thu May-19-05 05:14 PM
When they make the film, they manage to free up several thousand hours together. For the DVD (which these days generates more revenue than the theatrical film) they can't find two?

29085, don't disagree with me
Posted by REDeye, Thu May-19-05 05:53 PM
disagree with the people who make the DVDs. :)

>When they make the film, they manage to free up several
>thousand hours together. For the DVD (which these days
>generates more revenue than the theatrical film) they can't
>find two?

And it takes more than two hours. Depending on how in depth they want to be, it's easily a full day's work.
And they aren't always in the same city.
And it's recorded months after the movie is done, on a (usually accelerated) schedule all its own, regardless of what the principles are doing.
And despite how much money DVDs make, none of the suits involved give a shit about DVD commentaries.
And so people doing the commentary don't get paid anything extra.

Don't misunderstand. I'm not sure how widespread this separate recording is. It's certainly not done all the time. But these are perfectly plausible reasons why they would do it separately. And those reasons aren't going away any time soon.

RED
Ora et labora
29086, Conan did his Simpsons' commentary on the phone...
Posted by Mr Mech, Fri May-20-05 06:11 PM
...and it worked out very well.

Mech
29087, Wow, my first anchor.
Posted by Ryan M, Thu May-19-05 03:05 PM
29088, yeah well, don't go and cheapen it...
Posted by FrankEinstein, Thu May-19-05 04:24 PM
...by pointing it out, man! Play it cool like it ain't a thing, damn!
29089, LMAO!
Posted by biscuit, Thu May-19-05 05:12 PM
Sock 'im Frankie.
29090, Goonies commentary...
Posted by MadDagoNH, Thu May-19-05 05:13 PM
Was the shit. They all ripped on each other, ripped on how they were, ripped on Astin, it was just a real funny group get together.

Say what you want about Affleck, but Smith and Affleck doing Chasing Amy's commentary was awesome as well.

------------------------------
Proud Supporter of the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox, The Three-time Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots, The 16 Time NBA Champion Boston Celtics, the four Time NCAA and 26 time Beanpot champion Boston University
29091, Goonies commentary...
Posted by MadDagoNH, Thu May-19-05 05:13 PM
Was the shit. They all ripped on each other, ripped on how they were, ripped on Astin, it was just a real funny group get together.

Say what you want about Affleck, but Smith and Affleck doing Chasing Amy's commentary was awesome as well.

------------------------------
Proud Supporter of the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox, The Three-time Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots, The 16 Time NBA Champion Boston Celtics, the four Time NCAA and 26 time Beanpot champion Boston University
29092, 1. don't try to be too clever.
Posted by willydynamite, Fri May-20-05 03:44 AM
the anchorman commentary is a victim of this in certain parts. having lou rawls there for no reason was gold, but they tried to do too much schtick in certain parts. it worked with david koechner, but christina applegate doesn't have the improv skills to pull it off. also, the first 20 minutes of them doing nothing but cursing for the sake of cursing since it was an 'uncensored' commentary was lame.

2. only have people in the commentary who are important parts of the flick (writer, director, actors, producer), or are very knowledgable on the movie who can interject when people aren't talking (example: vincent pereira, the view askew "historian"). don't have the fucking boom mic operator there talking about shit nobody cares about.

3. make sure there's enough mics for everybody. it sucks when you can hear the main person and almost everybody else is barely audible.
29093, "racist"
Posted by FuriousFreddy, Fri May-20-05 02:22 PM
oh, what about "commentary" from long deceased persons (for example, Walt Disney's commentaries on "Snow White" ans "Fantasia")?
29094, It's a joke sir.
Posted by Ryan M, Fri May-20-05 03:39 PM
I'm obviously using hyperbole.

Anyway I wasn't aware Walt had "commentaries" on those DVDs...how did they do them? Just old interviews pieced together or what?
29095, I think you mean farce...
Posted by Mr Mech, Fri May-20-05 06:13 PM
Hyperbole is blowing something out of proportion.

Mech
29096, a combo of old interviews and a voice mimick reading his
Posted by FuriousFreddy, Sat May-21-05 12:31 PM
production notes
29097, sometimes - you don't need a commentary.
Posted by fats, Fri May-20-05 09:37 PM
xxx? resident evil?
29098, The cast of Goonies should do every commentary
Posted by cantball, Sun May-22-05 07:25 AM

__________________________________________________________

http://www.myspace.com/chamilton






The stars they disappear
One by one with daylight dear
And yes you're in my head
But that doesn't make you here
-Win Bulter
29099, Talk about the damn MOVIE, not ppl who pissed you off while making it
Posted by Adwhizz, Sun May-22-05 04:13 PM
Kevin Smith I'm looking at you!
29100, He did that only twice...briefly.
Posted by Ryan M, Sun May-22-05 04:24 PM
1. TS in Mallrates. Jeremy or Jason London, I dunno which one. He just talked about how stoned he always was...I found that hilarious.

2. Linda Fiorentino in Dogma. Smith's hate was justified.
29101, I was talking about Clerks The animated series
Posted by Adwhizz, Sun May-22-05 05:43 PM
The entire commentary tack was him complaining about folks at ABC.
29102, Oooh, right you are.
Posted by Ryan M, Sun May-22-05 06:21 PM
Although, he did have reason to bitch I thought.

Now the Family Guy shittalking...that was unwarranted, especially given the quality of the Clerks Animated Series (potential was there but it wasnt quite...good...yet).
29103, what did he say about Family Guy?
Posted by AFKAP_of_Darkness, Sun May-22-05 07:05 PM
29104, That it wasn't funny and that Clerks was better.
Posted by Ryan M, Sun May-22-05 07:10 PM
And that if people weren't so stupid, they would have watched the competing Clerks cartoon rather than the mundane Family Guy.

Of course, that's not verbatim, but its basically what he said.
29105, give him the short version "HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE"
Posted by Adwhizz, Mon May-23-05 06:11 PM
That's all you need to know about what SMith Said
29106, How about neither? nm
Posted by PolarbearToenails, Tue May-24-05 11:06 AM
29107, Shaun of the Dead has funny/informative commentary
Posted by DeadMike, Sun May-22-05 04:17 PM
The Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg commentary was good as was the one with the 5 main actors.
29108, NO EATING!
Posted by MikeLove, Sun May-22-05 10:04 PM
you muhfuckas thing i'm playing, but during the Chapelle's Show season 1 commentary (all done by dave & neil) Dave's co-writer Neil is actually EATING during commentary! you can hear the fork against the plate, the eating noises, everything. it's only on 1 of the episodes, not the whole thing.


look, i know you bastards are soooooooo busy with the show, but eat on your own time, idiot.
29109, That's not as bad as Rock and Roll Circus
Posted by BlueNote, Mon May-23-05 12:07 AM
Keith Richards is talking then his dog comes into the room and Keith starts playing with the dog, I actually got a good laugh at that.
29110, RE: The Definitive DVD Commentary Rules Post
Posted by ZioN, Mon May-23-05 10:36 AM
>1. Talk throughout the whole movie. I don't wanna hear huge
>gaps where I sorta hear the movie cause the volume is like
>50%. That's no good.

i agree. but what pisses me off is when they talk about something and just keep on the topic for so long, that parts of the movie that i want to be discussed come and go and they are still crapping on about a point that is about a less relevant scene or idea than the one they talked over. if that makes sense?

>5. Million person commentaries are, 9 times out of 10, no
>good. I'm afraid to listen to any of the LOTR commentaries for
>this reason...there are TOO many people listed on the back of
>the box for it to be any good. Keep it manageable...Kevin
>Smith probably does the best commentaries (in terms of comedy)
>and he uses 7 people or so per track, but he makes it work.

definitely! i'd much rather have at the most, 3-4 people on and that's all. director, maybe prod designer, lead actor (can sometimes offer interesting things). i don't really wanna hear from costume designers, producers etc

29111, anchorman dvd is a must buy
Posted by loopdigga, Tue May-24-05 01:15 PM
for the commentary alone. One of the best ever.