1. Signs- Girls down in the front row were screaming randomly which relieved all tension and was awful (a la the 28 Days Later story someone told earlier in the post). So I yelled "SHUT UP YOU DUMB BITCHES!" They shut up. The entire theater applauded.

2. Shallow Hal- Some big frat guy was trying to be cool in the front row, laughing sarcastically, going "Haha, man, this is sooooo funny." So I yelled, "Shut the fuck up asshole!" then hid for the remainder of the film.

3. The Hulk- This one isn't too complicated. A baby was cooing during the film for like 15 minutes, resulting in many "awwww"s from other audience members. So I yelled, "TAKE THE BABY OUT OF THE THEATER." I think everyone thought I was a baby hater. But goddammit, I wanted to see The Hulk throw tanks without a baby coo every 20 seconds.

4. T3: Rise of the Machines- These 13 year old dudes were talking loudly as the movie began to their slutty 13 year old girlfriends with their henna tattoos and spaghetti strap shirts. So I said, "The movie's starting. Shut up." They waited a second, then started muttering, "Loser, we're just tryin to have fun asshole..." and shit like that, so I turned and stood and said, "Shut up or I'll shut you up" and as I sat I said "I will beat you like your father if you keep talking." No more muttering.

Long story short-- I love being a movie theater tough guy. Because I'm not at all tough in real life, so swearing at strangers who are ruining everyone's movie experience makes me feel good inside.