where's Colin Powell? this shit was about 164 minutes too long.

my GOD there's a lot of incomprehensible babble in this fucking movie. just talking on top of talking on top of talking. i will say JGL was selling his bullshit well. the rest of the cast? i doubt they could give you a recap of what the fuck they were talking about. i imagine they were feeding Cotillard her lines phonetically, off screen ala Michelle Tanner. either that or they just fed her a jar of peanut butter and added her voice over in post.

zero "oh shit" moments in this movie. none. nada. zip. i guess the biggest set piece was the motorcycle chase. and it's a giant pile of doo-doo next to the tunnel chase in Dark Knight.

the opening scene made zero sense. i didn't know who anyone was, what their motivation was, who was on what side...nothing. would they really accept two random dudes in a highly sensitive/secure prisoner transfer? and if so, they wouldn't check their identities first? and transferring a tiny bit of blood to a corpse really is enough to convince federal agencies that the wrong man is dead? what a stupid fucking scene.

overly-bombastic music plays over EVERY second of this shit. just loud and wrong. makes the whole thing feel like an extended trailer.

you really can't understand what the fuck Bane is saying. not that you need to, since it's all pseudo-intellectual bullshit, but that's a fundamental problem that should've been addressed. i can't even imagine how bad it was before they "fixed" it.

you send your ENTIRE POLICE FORCE underground? SERIOUSLY!?!?

too many fucking characters. Matthew Modine's character? don't give a fuck. JGL's Gotham City boys choir? don't give a fuck. Dagget? don't give a fuck. Miranda/Talia? don't give a fuck. this should've been about Bane, Batman and Catwoman. adding all these other who-gives-a-fuck characters makes an already bloated movie unwatchable.

"hell on earth" doesn't look that bad to me. there are no guards, they get cable, and they got the world's best chiropractor.

it's been discussed ad nauseum, but i've gotta state for the record again how fucking terrible Bale's batman voice is. just a hilariously bad acting choice.

the last shot of Bruce and Selena in Europe is one of the worst film-making decisions of the last 50 years (if it would've cut at Alfred's amused facial reaction, it would've been bad, but tolerable).

let's count the cliches:

-"I'm his son...no, I'm his daughter!"
-"you're stabbing me in the back (literally)? but i thought you loved me!"
-"i'm a lone wolf...i help you this one last time and then i'm outta here...until i come back and save you again"
-ticking time bomb
-bomb trigger doesn't work at the last second
-our hero is dead...or is he?

the Bat Wing was cool, i guess.