*Bruce Wayne Chillin in France Smile*


What an absolutely delightful steaming pile of shit.



Fans of 'The Last Boyscout' should beware.



In all honesty, I'd say its below 'Demolition Man'
and above 'Tango and Cash'. Its about as good as
'The Last Boyscout'. In the very elite of
G.S.M.'s ever made.


Or at least I'm telling myself that. Those IMAX
tickets were pricey.


For those of you that don't know, GSM's are
a genre of movie that can be enjoyed to death
when you suspend any standard of a good movie
and fixate on the awesomeness of a handful of
scenes or one cool character. When examined through
a standard lens, the acting in these movies is
almost always horrid, and the storyline is usually
full of massive, unforgivable gaps.


TDKR delivers perfectly.


Like most GSM's, the story in DKR was absolutely
horrid at worst and irrelevant at best. Thankfully,
Christopher Nolan didn't care about the storyline,
because even he knew that it was dogshit to the point
where he didn't bother making it cohesive or
interesting. I was watching this film and literally
SAW where Nolan was like "Man, fuck this, let's plan
an explosion, I'm tired of this bullshit story."


Here are the facts:

- By movie #3, nobody cares about the league of shadows
anymore. It was tiresome by the end of BB. The "bring chaos
to Gotham" angle is so unimaginative that the movie almost
sounded like an Austin Powers movie (honestly).


- The entire plot is basically filler to keep us
busy while we focus on a few things:

a) Batman getting broken and healing and beating Bane (we're
sitting and waiting for this shit the whole movie)

b) Robin being born

c) The scenes between Batman and Catwoman


Everything else is noise. Children being born in/climbing
out of prison; chaos; bridges, league of shadows....
...we don't fucking care. We're like "Break Batman's
back, have him heal so I can go home and get some sleep."


- Which brings me to Bane. We literally take him as
seriously as Dr. Evil; We don't care about Bane because Nolan
doesn't need us to. He's a vehicle, not an actual villain,
which is why we can't fucking understand 60% of the things
he says. He sounds like Destro talking underwater. Thankfully,
his voice could have been mute the whole movie, because I doubt
that anything he says would have added anything.


- In regards to Catwoman, we're mildly intrigued, and
not only because we want Batman to die having fucked
a woman hotter than Maggie Gyllenhall. Her Robinhood
story and enlightenment were forgettable but they could
certainly have done worse with her. Good job overall.


-The birth of Robin was well done. Probably the only
cohesive story told the entire movie. The guy who
played him was good. His intentions had rhyme and reason.
Nolan actually sat down and scripted those scenes.
Well done.


- Commissioner Gordon was cool. I dig the range, him
being forced into difficult circumstances. He can
act.


- The whole "finding yourself" thing with Wayne climbing
out of prison...LOL...we already learned that lesson in
the Karate Kid movies, guy. I mean, geez. Just delete that
shit, we didn't need it.


- Not a fan of Alfred. The whole "I dream that I see
you in France" thing was a direct ripoff of Ben Affleck
"I hope to not see you in the morning" scene from
'Goodwill Hunting'. Think about it. Its a DIRECT ripoff.
Alfred deserves better than to be crying in half his
scenes. Have him do some ESSENTIAL shit in the movie.
Don't have his character go out crying like a fucking
pussy. Seriously.


- Again: the league of shadows angle was dumb. I almost
spit out my gummi bears (damn right I ration them out
during the WHOLE movie...got it down to a science) when
Liam Neeson showed up, like Ben Kenobi's evil brother.
I almost expected Bruce Wayne to reach out and go "Ben!!
Ben!! Degaba system...must go to the degaba system!!!"


- LMAO @ the Scoobie Doo "twist." It worked perfectly because
nobody cared about the bitch at the center of the twist.
Like, who the fuck was she? Nobody was paying her any
attention. We were happy Wayne tapped that, I guess...but...
really, who the fuck was she? Oh, she was that baby who climbed
out the sewer? Oh, ok. I mean, we all saw that mark on her
back, so we KNEW she was a bad guy, but...we didn't bother
to think about it because she wasn't interesting.


- Lastly, Christian Bale was GREAT. His lines were dumb.
his interaction with Alfred was LOL but Bale KILLED his
scenes. He finally GOT Bruce Wayne. Shame, because its
the end of the trilogy. He's only now starting to really
get it. Dude had the whole game on lock.




- Which takes me to the best scene in the movie:



Nope!!!! Wayne was CHILLIN IN FRANCE!!! That smile was
GOLDEN!!! Ninja was CHILLIN with his thug bitch in
Europe grinnin' at Alfred from across that cafe!!

Bwahahahahah


That's the stuff of a great GSM, folks.


Easily the best scene in the movie


Just an amazing smile, no homo. He deserve an
academy nomination JUST for the way he was posted
up at that table. I was CHEESING just like him.


Summary: I'm trying to like it, guys. There was enough
cute stuff to qualify as a good GSM....but my god,
Nolan makes it difficult.


He need to take a vacation. Direct some rap videos or
some shit because movies just aren't his thing.

Thankfully for him, only about 8 people think for
themselves, which is why people like Christopher
Nolan and Big Sean have careers. And good for them.

Personally, I prefer good directors and rappers.

I think my views on Nolan would a tad less harsh
if Joss Whedon didn't just teach us what a really
good film made my an actually smart, good filmmaker
looks like.


Whedon was supposed to bring balance.


And now we have this shit again.


Oh well


----------------------------

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O_E: "Acts like an asshole and posts with imperial disdain"




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