>"When you choose your mate, you
>decided that her being black
>was NOT a priority."
>
>That's all she is saying.
>That's all she has been
>saying. Everything she has
>said, has been in support
>and explanation of the above.

When she stops at the "her being Black was not a priority" I don't so much have a problem with that, some people will go with who someone they connect with...rather then just being with a Black person. It's when she takes it to people not valuing Black Families, Black people, hurting the community, deciding not to have Black babies, it's when she discounts people valuing connections or just being with someone because they are Black....or that it's bullshit that someone believes they connected with a white person and choose to be with them over this proverbial BLack person they connected with and rejected.......that the argument falls to pieces.

She doesn't know these people and there circumstances can't make these judgements...she can only say that they value their feelings for this non-white person over just being with someone who is Black....and even that's a general assumption that's not always true.

People's actions and choices are not always defined by their priorities and values, options and what is best for you can override priorities.

I value Human life, but if you attack me and I'm forced to kill you, can you say that I don't value Human life or that I had no choice?

The woman I'm intersted in the most right now is Black, now if we get serious in the next few months...can it be said that I made it a priority to be with a Black Woman or a woman I connected with, thereby making my choice racially independent?

You can't make an absolute statement that if you're with a Black Woman it's because being with one is a priority for you, if it's not true.

In my case it won't be.....even if I date Black women for the rest of my life.


>And folks are feeling guilty about
>that.

Within the context of your argument about values, a person can't feel guilty about something they don't supposedly make a priority of or value.

A better statement is that YOU would feel guilty.

People are arguing, because they don't appreciate someone they don't know telling them their thoughts, feelings, motivations and values.....when THEY are the ones who are the experts on those things.....people get especially irked when they tell people how they feel and the person says:

"No, you don't feel that"


>Could it be that my mate's
>race/culture/ethnicity is not a priority
>for me?
>
>The real question is should it
>be.
>
>And the resounding answer from this
>section of Okayactivist lurkers is...No.
>
>
>They go back to a very
>tired, It's all about love,
>it's all about the person
>argument. I don't think
>that's being honest at all.
> You choose who you
>interact with, who you let
>get close to you.
>You choose by the places
>you choose to work, relax,
>worship, shop et cetera.

It's obviously not that simple, if people simply choose who they get with, there wouldn't be any single people looking for a Black, Asian, Latino, Catholic, West Indian, Jewish, Irish, Italian mate, they would just go out and choose and be done with it.

If the "It's all about the person/connection" argument was false and it's truly all about the demographic group, why would there be people who complain about not being able to find any good: Black, Asian, Catholic, Jewish, Italian, et, etc Men/Women? and/or people of those groups that they connect with?

Let's be real, who dates people they don't connect with simply because of their race.

Do you?

>If for some reason you do
>not find an African American/Afrikan/Latino/Boricua..et
>cetera, it's not because they
>don't exist, it's because you
>aren't trying to find them.
> They most certainly do
>exist.
>
>And that concept is really what
>is not sitting well with
>her opponents.

Actually, that's a false concept.

The fact that there are numerically enough Black women for every Black man, doesn't prove in the slightest that all of these people are going to connect and fall in love with each other.

Consider the following:

Black people have a propensity towards homodiversity...yes we're a diverse group of people...but Blacks (particularly young ones) tend to gravitate towards a particular definition/way of being Black E.g A particular "niche" of Blackness. There is social pressure on those who don't fit into a particular niche or the niche of those around them.....

....which reduces the number factor because you have groups of people trying to act similar.

People typically date the same person (In different iterations) over and over and over again, when the circumstances and various subtle differences are right...they make a serious committment to that person. In other words, relationships are hard, just because someone connects with you doesn't mean it will work out.....so it becomes a numbers game...which supports the idea that people are more likely to make a "successful connection" if they expand their dating pool.

See above on people having difficulty finding someone Black....if it was truly as simply as there being someone for everyone, there would be far fewer single Black people.

Consider the Demographic of Blacks who are predominantly the ones dating outside their race: Middle & Upper Middle Class Blacks....now consider the class issues prevalent in Black America, also consider the # of Young Blacks who fit into that economic demographic but try to pretend as if they don't.

Wouldn't those factors reduce the dating pool for people fitting into the middle & upper-middle class category?

I mean damn, it's not like I can just roll down into West Philly and just "Holla".

Remember our conversation about Babies and people believing early pregnancies/having a couple kids by ones mid 20s was normal and "just life"?

You know my opinion on the subject, how could I ever really connect with a single mother that has a couple of kids and/or a woman who thinks it's life and she just lucky since she doesn't have kids.

Hell, you've been reading my posts since what? late 99' early 00'?

What % of Blacks do you think are in synch enough with my way of thinking to even attempt a connection, let alone connect with me successfully?

Just an example.....

....it's not as simple as numbers.



Peace,













M2