>a woman was quoting i think
>Hemingway. i think that's a
>way 4 ppl to ignore
>the fact that they r
>sending a message in everything
>they do to absolve themselves
>of the responsibility that that
>acknowledgement carries.

I think in the magazine the playwright was talking about the process or freedom of creating art (I got the quote there). As an artist and leader vision is critical. The message lies in the vision and people can align themselves with it or not. Not everyone is a visionary but everyone should look for people with vision as a model. Being Black is not my vision. This was the label and culture I became part of at birth but does not speak to the purpose I was born with. My responsibility is starting from my corner and finding ways to do work that supports my vision and serves others at the same time. Freedom lies in the fact that I don't need people's approval to do the work, live my life but I can do work that helps Black people empower themselves, as well as fulfill my goals. Therein lies responsibility (response-ability).

>how r u different from your
>ppl. i mena in serving
>yourself don't u serve your
>ppl as well? i guess
>i don't understand how u
>split it up like that.

As I stated above, I was born into being Black, or being part of Black culture. I am self first. I was born with Divine purpose and that's outside of my membership to the Black community, the African Diaspora. Part of who I am is my culture/community but I am more than that. I have a purpose. When I work with people I do not see color. I see intention. Nothing is separate, everything is part of the grand thoroughfare of life. By serving my purpose/vision I am serving others.

>"If the essence of 'love'... is
>giving
>selflessly or sacrificing for others,
>how can it then be equated
>with
>something that you can 'fall into
>or
>out of'?"

Love has four steps: attraction, infatuation, commitment and maintenence (sp?) The falling in love part brings my attention to the first two steps. I am attracted and I am in love. Sometimes it goes no further than that but there are times when me and my mate try at commitment. I haven't gotten to the point that maintaining the relationship is an issue. Love is everywhere but sometimes there is a connection that brings people closer and sometimes that's when I fall in love.

>how did u "find" this person?
>what tactics (4 want of
>a better word, that sounds
>desperate i know) were u
>using to locate a person

That's just it. I did not locate him at all. He was just there, 3-4 days per week, for a year. I go to work and I go home. Sometimes I mentor a 9 year old or go to the movies or hang out with friends but the only way for people to really get access to me is through my work. One day I became aware that I was attracted and then I became infatuated...

>b4 that didn't work that
>u changed and now did?
>or were u not "looking?"
>was it like accident, like
>falling into a hole or
>something, did it occur quite
>by happenstance? and when
>u discuss issues of race,
>how does that go? how
>does he affirm your africanness?

When I talk about race he listens and tells me what he thinks, esp. tuning into my personal feelings. For example, I once talked about some of the challenges I had to deal with as a Black woman in my field, as a leader and he responded, "So that must make you angry." At the time I wasn't angry but I was encouraged to work through those emotions. The solutions are already in me. Last week we discussed street smarts...in Roxbury, from my p.o.v., his p.o.v. and some teens experiences. It was about sharing and listening. He affirms Nettrice and that's more personal and real than Africa as a whole. He knows me. He does not know other people.

I already think I am privileged (sort of), more like worthy of whatever affirms my life and spirit. I don't need an extension of me or to be attached to anyone. I am looking for a spiritual partner, not a crutch or father figure.

Maybe I will meet a brother who is what I am looking for but until that happens I am living my life, patient but not waiting, ready to accept what the universe sends me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"To be as good as someone else is no high ideal...I am myself." - Paul Robeson

"It's quite an experience to live in fear isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." - Roy in "Blade Runner"

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
--Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix" (and a Buddhist philosophy)

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"