>....you are too caught up in
>sending a message in everything
>you do.


i don't think so, i am AWARE that i send a message in everything i do. ppl can choose to ignore this fact. ppl observe all the time, adults, children. every time u have a thought based on something u have seen, a behavior u have seen acted out, whether it's a mother caressing her child's head, or berating him in a public place, to's because that person has sent u a message, not just the Little One she has had contact with. some messages are small some are big. i have chosen not to absolve myself of the responsibility to those who came b4 and those to come. in trying to be a good person, that has certain implications for the way i behave, hence the MESSAGES i send.



>What makes you think people are
>neccessarily paying attention?

ppl tell me they are. when ppl come up to me out of the blue and make a remark about something i have said, or worn or my hair, it tells me that ppl are watching. when children smile @ me i know they are watching. sometimes they don't, verbally. but i know. this is not to say i act a certain just b/c i think ppl might be looking, and then i act differently when i think they are not looking, i am just AWARE that everything i do sends a message. u should try it once, go thruout the day being acutely aware of the mesages u r sending. then think about whether those messages are good or bad, 2 u.

>and/or
>
>What if their perception of said
>message/action is wrong? E.g. If
>someone thinks you're thoughts are
>less valid because you are
>with a White Woman, or
>that you must've rejected Black
>women to be with her....who
>has the problem you or
>them?

that's a good question. i don't have any control over how ppl interpret the messages i send. but i can tell u this: PPL will NEVER be able to get THAT particular message from me b/c that's not a message i should to send, by SELECTING someone from w/in my race. now as far as thinking your thoughts are less valid... in what setting would your thoughts be thought less valid if u were w/ a White Woman? here is an example, if there is a forum on restoring marriages between Black men an dBlack Women, u don't think ppl are corect in thinking your thoughts are less valid, seeing that u have made no attempt tp be in that situation.

better yet, we r both engineers right? i am an electrical and computer engineer. if we are having a discussion on the characteristic of a Zener Diode and whether or not we should use it in our particular device, and a phys. ed. major walks up and wants to give his/her input, don't u think we might think that the phys. ed's thoughts are less valid, seeing that s/he is not an electrical engineer and would not know that Ohm's Law is of no use to us in this case? that knowledge comes form the experienc eof being an electrical engineering major, one which the phys. ed. major does not share.


in such a case i can understand y your thoughts might be thought of as less valid. u have made the decision that u will pursue your "personal happiness" and not be botherd w/ the message u have chosen to send. if u have a problem w/ messages u r sending then it is YOU who has the problem.


>Why is it someone's responsibility to
>do things for the sake
>of "appearence & sending a
>message" and not for themselves?


again, i am AWARE that i am sending a message. if u do things for the sake of appearance u will send that message too, b/c your actions when u think no one is looking will reflect otherwise. so i don't want u to think that that is what i am saying. i am not talking about doing things for the sake of appearance. i am talking about being AWARE of how u appear.

as far as "self" goes, i'm not quite sure i get u... when i talk about sending a clear message of solidarity w/ my ppl i do it for myself too, i don't really see a distinction. when we are all doing well, necessarily i am doing well.


>
>Just because you are with a
>White person doesn't mean that
>you're neccessarily "rejecting" Black people..

well u have actually, in a way. your spouse should be the person closest to u. this is the peron who will help to carry on your name, your spouse is someone to whom have entrusted a great responsibility, particularly if she is a woman.

now u in your mind may not feel any less close to Black ppl, but the message u have sent is, whether or not u like it, i have chosen not to entrust this responsibility to a black woman, i have chosen not to have a black woman closest to me (it's digital: White=Not Black), to share my space with. when i have gone thru the hardships of the day i want to relax in the arms of a white woman (or _this_ white woman, if u prefer), not a black, asian, hispanic, arab, indian... but the woman in whose arms i will find solace: a white woman. now given our history, white women and black women, white men and black men, this goes beyond the simplicity w/ which u speak above , b/c whether u like it or not the message u r sending is "i would rather be w/ a member of the oppressor's race than w/ my family." of course in your mind, u are only pursuing your own personal happiness, but that does not mean that u r not sending a message in doing so.
i don't expect that this will go over very well, but that's the message i chose to send, i am aware of it and i stick w/ it.



it
>just means that the white
>person was the first to
>connect with you....it's not more
>rejection of Black Women....then dating
>a particular Black woman means
>that you're neccessarily rejected other
>Black women.

well, u'd have to tell me what u mean by connect. y don't u tell me what it would take for someone to 'connect' with u. then u should also realize that 'connections' can grow. sometimes there is no 'connection' at all and one develops. sometimes there is an instant connection like that! sometimes we have instant connections w/ ppl who are not necessarily good for us. this has implications for the way we go about finding a "soulmate." perhaps God has placed in us the ability to 'connect' w/ just about anyone over time, so that we don't have to worry about that, we can instead pay attn to what some might consider more mundane things...

>In other words, you take yourself
>waaaaaaaay too seriously.

u know i don't think u believe this.
when u asked this question:

"Why is it someone's responsibility to
do things for the sake
of "appearence & sending a
message" and not for themselves? "

u reminded of a frustrated student who says "but it's too hard!" :)

>Peace,
>
>
>
>
>M2

and to u...

Shemhotep
************
"If u want a butterfly u got to B a
butterfly" - India.Arie, Butterfly

"the wages of sin is death"
Romans ch.6 v.23

"If the essence of 'love'... is giving
selflessly or sacrificing for others,
how can it then be equated with
something that you can 'fall into or
out of'?" - Ra Un Nefer Amen,
Afrocentric Guide to a Spiritual Union