I know a Haitian woman who fell in love with a Jewish guy and after they started living together he asked her to stay in the basement whenever his family came over (true story). Although she did not continue to live with this guy she claims she knows he still loves her. I knew a few other stories like this one but I know these relationships were not about love.

#1 Love is transcendent. It's not about something as subjective as culture or race but people are often conditioned to believe that appearances mean something. A Black woman can hate her color, her community and marry a Black man only because it seems appropriate. Another Black woman can marry a white man for the same reason except she is so focused on race that she sees her interracial relationship as better. True love goes beyond the external. We as Black women can hide behind what is appropriate or "better" but we can't hide from ourselves.

#2 Love is peaceful and life affirming. If I am with a man and I am able to see him without seeing his race AND I feel a sense of peace when I am with him then I may feel love.

For years, I was attached to appearing Black or representing and even though I am still serving Black communities I recognize that my life is not defined by what others think or feel. No one else has to live with my relationship(s) but me.

Love is timeless, freeing, soul-based, and about real unity. Love is unconditional. I want to feel needed for who I am. I want to feel safe, profound, light, wild, strong, and connected spiritually. When I look at myself I seldom see race. I see Nettrice. When I look at my mate I want to see them for whoever they are, not their race. Love allows my mate the freedom to be unlike me. Love imposes no demands and expands beyond the limits of society.

If someone wants a message they can go to Western Union (I heard that somewhere). I wake up almost everyday and serve the Black community. I lovingly give 8 hours of my life a day to serve my people. When I go home I am serving me.

Finally, my best friend traveled to Boston from New York City to meet this white guy I fell in love with. She's no supporter of interracial relationships, either, but she was impressed by what she saw as real love between two people. I had managed to find someone who respected me, listened to every word I said and seemed committed to maintain a close but professional relationship. I haven't crossed that line with him but I've come close. I may never enter in a intimate relationship with this white guy but he's taught me to seek out the love I know exists for me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"To be as good as someone else is no high ideal...I am myself." - Paul Robeson

"It's quite an experience to live in fear isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." - Roy in "Blade Runner"

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
--Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix" (and a Buddhist philosophy)

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"