I've always been disinterested as far as my personal life is concerned. Personally, I found it hard to believe that someone of another race would ever understand what it's like to be judged by skin color.

For example, I once had a close friendship with a white guy in college. We were in high school together, in Kentucky and he was a jr and I was a sr. I went away to college in New York City and he came a year later. We grew closer. His mother visited and she did something that offended me. We went out and I showed her all the sites in NYC. Afterwards she tried to give me money (like a tip), like I was not her son's friend but some servant who was being paid to take her out. He apologized but did not really understand how I felt. We slowly grew apart and went our separate ways.

For years after the college incident I had several friends who were non-Black but the relationships never got intimate. This changed recently. I met someone who was my social/intellectual/artistic equal and he has many of the non-physical qualities I'm looking for. Plus, there is a almost electric vibe between us. The whole situation is messing with me and forcing me to deal with my beliefs. He'll never know what it's like to be Black but he knows me and over the years I've learned to release fear and not take anything personally, esp. from racist or ignorant people.

The Nettrice of old would not have tolerated the current relationship but this is a new day and a new Nettrice. I don't care if people know what I've been through. They just need to affirm and love me.

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"To be as good as someone else is no high ideal...I am myself." - Paul Robeson

"It's quite an experience to live in fear isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." - Roy in "Blade Runner"

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
--Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix" (and a Buddhist philosophy)

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"