>Women who get beat up &
>decide to leave FIRST have
>to let go of whatever
>love they think ties them
>to heir abuser. They CHANGE
>their values to include valuing
>themselves & their safety or
>that of their children. IF
>that determination is not made
>FIRST then the act of
>leaving (by any means necessary)
>will not follow...period.

No kidding, but this has nothing to do with how they view love. A woman who decides she will only love Black Men who are taller then her/thinks like you, isn't any less likely to be abused then a woman who thinks that love happens...and bases her decisions on a mate not on race, but by whome she falls in love with.

Self Esteem, however, WILL determine a woman's likelihood of being abused and/or determine her ability to escape from it.

Deciding to love only particular types of men and learning to avoid potential abusers or escaping men who reveal themselves to be abusers are too different things.

My Sister is with a White Man, even though her preference was to be with a Black Man...but this is the man she fell in love with so she went with her heart. She is not more likely to be abused since she went with her heart and not with her preference.

Why?

Because she has high self esteem is not the type to let anyone abuse her in any way, shape or fashion.

So again, your logic that women who feel that love chooses them instead of Vice Versa, are more likely to be abused doesn't hold.

As for the other points, you don't want to debate them....you just want to reiterate your point of view, as if it's as absolute as 2 + 2 = 4.

Hint: It's not, nothing is absolute when dealing with people.

If you don't want to debate, that's your perogative. It must be nice living in your concrete world where only your point of view, or ideology is correct.



Peace,






M2



>>Considering how many women who more or less think like you,
>>get married to Brothas that beat them, your logic doesn't
>>hold.
>
>What are you talking about? This
>conversation is not about black
>male abusers...its obvious that a
>woman shouldn't be with an
>abuser. But eliminate the abusers
>from the group & there
>are plenty of black men
>& women for each other.

The point is that your logic regarding what causes women to be with Abusers, has nothing to do with how they view/value love, because someone who thinks like you do (I know abused women who do) can still end up in an abusive relationship and not leave.





>>Self Esteem is at the heart of the issue with respect
>>to women who get abused, they think they deserve it,
>>they're afraid of living without their husbands, they convince themselves that he's a good man, a good provider.....they may even convince themselves they love the man.
>
>Child, you have just made my
>point. Lack of self
>esteem is a lack of
>VALUING self.
>
>>BUT, when the person you think you love, turns out to
>>be hamrful to you.....it's self esteem that keeps you in
>>that situation....NOT the fact that you believe Love Chooses you.
>
>Alot of these women think that
>their LOVE for their abuser
>is something out of their
>control, that they can't help
>it. Ask me how
>I know this, please.
>
>>Getting women out of (and keeping them) out these situations, is a function of teaching them not to be victims (or
>>to accept it), to have faith in themselves and have
>>the confidence to fight back/leave.
>>
>>
>>It has nothing to do with how they view love.
>
>IT have everything to do with
>how they view love -
>and what they value -
>they don't value themselves or
>valuing not being divorce, not
>failing, not being embarassed, not
>being alone, etc. more.
>
>As for you other points.. I
>say again, if you value
>a black mate you will
>have one. If that's passing
>judgement so be it...
>But your actions tell what's
>important to you. It really
>is that simple.