I often look at the exceptions to get a sense of what happens on a even deeper level when people raise sons and daughters. The patriachal society we live in promotes the man as provider but that kind of ideal fell apart years ago with the increase of divorce and single parenthood (i.e. female).

>Black People Love their sons and
>raise their daughters.

I've heard women of color tell me they raise their daughters to care for them when they get old. Sons are expected to leave the household and start new families so they are conditioned to explore life outside, including being encouraged to learn from mistakes. Daughters are expected to become mothers and care givers, not just of their children but others in the family, as well. They are taught to make decisions for the whole, or for the benefit of their loved ones as opposed to/for themselves. BTW- I rebelled against that at an early age.

My mother was a single parent but she was a good provider. She also made sure my father had a hand in raising us. However, their parenting approaches and views on raising daughters were very different. My father's expectation was that we'd be pregnant by age 16 (like his mother, grandmother) or we'd be lucky to make it to high school graduation before getting knocked up. My mother graduated from college before she had us (he was a high school drop out) and she was the primary provider after my parents divorced early. Ironically, while my mother raised us my father raised two more girls on his own ten years later (different mother). My sister an I have master's degrees, no children and my sister quit her lucrative job as a chemical engineer to move to Paris and become a writer. The younger sisters raised by my father both dropped out of high school and had babies before they were 18.

I rebelled for years, esp. against the expectation that my role as a woman was to solely be a mother and caregiver. My mother raised me to explore the world and make my own mistakes. My father thought this was wrong and was so conflicted that he quit communicating altogether when we went off to start our own lives as adults. He refused to support us through college and grad school and he was quick to encourage me to come home and help raise my younger sisters. Rather than be proud of his daughters he choose to alienate us. We excelled because of our mother's love and and defiance of our father.

One of the things I've noticed and discussed with other Black women about Black men is how they handle adversity. Many Black men do not handle adversity effectively. They avoid, run, etc. Women are taught to stay, struggle through and solve problems. There are always exceptions but in general women are expected to deal with problems and men sometimes don't. Even with the superwoman mentality many sisters have both sexes often see themselves as victims of society-at-large. As a result, Black women die of heart attacks (and other diseases) sooner and more often. They get wore down but keep going despite it all. They are expected to take on the world but not be in control of it.

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"To be as good as someone else is no high ideal...I am myself." - Paul Robeson

"It's quite an experience to live in fear isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave." - Roy in "Blade Runner"

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."
--Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix" (and a Buddhist philosophy)

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"