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Topic subjectLove Their Sons, Raise their Daughters
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=22&topic_id=9033&mesg_id=9033
9033, Love Their Sons, Raise their Daughters
Posted by M2, Tue Mar-05-02 07:41 PM
I was talking with someone a couple of weeks ago, who made the following comment:

Black People Love their sons and raise their daughters.

In other words, when a son is born that son is unconditionally loved, the bad things he does are accepted as "unfortunately faults" and no one really teaches him how to be a man/adult and carve out a life for himself.

The girl on the other hand, will catch hell for the bad things she does, BUT she is taught how to be a woman/adult and how to go out in the world and carve out a life for herself.

At first thought, it sounds ridiculous right? Well, that's what I thought at least.....until I started noticing somethings in my family and in other Black families.

A few examples:

The son knocks up his girlfriend, they start fighting soon after, son leaves town. He shows up for the birth, leaves 3 days later....over the next 18 months he sends money/support for the kid once.....family members still talk about it. His child is growing up and has never seen her father. People in the family blame the woman for driving the man away, say she got pregnant on purpose, that she's a ho. If you talk about the Son, well, he needed to leave because of the girl, he needed to leave because he needs to get his "shit together", etc.

Sound familiar?

Daughter gets knocked up and almost/does get thrown out of the house. She gets bad mouthed for being a "Ho", it's all because she didn't X, listen to Aunt So and So, shouldn't have been runnin with shaun and them, etc.

If she leaves town and leaves the kid with the Daddy, oh lord...she'll get disowned.

Another Example:

Who is more likely to have the following:

Stable Bank Account
Credit Cards
Their own Car
Their own place
Go to college
Have good credit
A job

The daugthers or the sons?

Secondly, what is the family's reaction to the son when he's not doing well vs. the reaction to the daughter?

How about spousal abuse? I've personally witnessed situations when the family blamed the woman, and/or said that it's a good thing so and so left his family, because she would've driven him to hit her. As if it's his fault.

Simple Arguments: Woman yells at man for not facing up to this responsibilities with his family and other family members chide her for not respecting "The Baby's Daddy" even though the man hasn't done shit to earn anyone's respect.

It seems to me that Black men receive too much protection and "excuses" from other Blacks.....at the detriment to the man receiving the protection and to the community as a whole.

In any event, as a Black man I'm not going to kid myself and say that society isn't more friendly to Black women then it is to Black men, because that's not true.

BUT, on a family level at least, it seems that sons receive less guidance and more forgiveness, perhaps that should be flipped.


Your thoughts?






Peace,








M2