Go back to previous topic
Forum nameOkay Activist Archives
Topic subjectmy long response
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=22&topic_id=5901&mesg_id=5940
5940, my long response
Posted by strezzed, Fri Feb-28-03 08:57 AM
First of all the numbers are not that staggeringly different. Before I read the article I was expecting a much larger gap. The truth is that the percentages rise and fall between the sexes of all races all of the time. This was a discussion point in my gender in education class the other day. My professor said that 20 years ago in the UK white boys were doing better than girls and now the tables have turned.

Society and LIFE is not static, it changes, and statistics are useful but they can no describe everything and they often reflect the aims came off as very sensationalized and sugar coated but it did touch on a lot of important issues.

I left the essay feeling a little depressed, like damn is it really like that? Would I have to prepare my daughters? I also do not like how they tried and make it seem, and sometimes flat out said that we have it easier than black men. I will be damned. That undermines all of the work of sisters who are successful. Do we have it easier or do we just deal with the bullshit of this system better?

This leads me to my next point/question that rhulah made so well. Why don’t they compare any other races? ESPECIALLY - the white race? I want some statistics on that.

The reasons for black men not achieving as much were not satisfying enough to me. I think that the article skirted around more serious issues:

1. Most black males encouraged to be jocks

2. Females have more focus and sense of purpose – we are more “tough – minded.” I think that this alludes to the black superwoman stereotype which presents us with some positive qualities but we should be aware of always trying to live up to that. We are human too, we have needs, we need to be nurtured too.

I do believe that the college dating pool is small, a lot of brothers get recycled on my campus. I also agree with the she is doing better than me syndrome. Funny when they had the Sula quote I remember the scene when Sula put her friend’s husband straight for pitying himself as a Black man basically saying that everyone wanted or wanted to be like the Black man.

I also think that Black men date more outside of the race because of their sexual stereotypes. They are supposed to be “bigger,” more “promiscuous,” and “sensual,” than other races. I think a lot of Black men try and play into those stereotypes and get into that spread your seed, sexual warrior syndrome; and ultimately start basing their idea of manhood on that. As opposed to Black women who I believe are de-sexed by the media on one hand, and over-sexed by hip hop on the other. We do not fit they typical mold of what is “beautiful.” Often those who do look or are bi-racial: Beyonce, Halle Berry just to name a few.


My ex boyfriend who was not in school had issues with my being in college, although he would never admit it. He was always like “You can do better,” or “You are not going to want to be with me later on.” That was annoying in its self. But I would always think, well if you think I am doing so great then do great yourself! Make some moves! I hope I won’t have to deal with this in the future. But I think the problem lies within patriarchy. As Zorasmoon and I spoke about before . The assumption is that men are supposed to make more than women. That is incorrect. But yet some brothers play into that sexist line of thinking and then feel less than when women make more. If we overcome this sexist assumption then a woman making more will no longer cause tension in marriages or intimidate brothers.


Although I may get flack for this, but I am with Star. My ideal husband would be Black, but I am not going to disregard someone just because they are not “Black.” And as a Black Latina I think my perception of Black is different. My mother was born and raised in Honduras. She is not your typical Spanish looking woman, but her CULTURE was completely different from my father who is from Monroe, LA. Although I am more in touch with my Black side, my dating a Spanish man does not seem that different for me because our culture won’t be as different. White on the other hand is different and would be more of a culture shock.