>Hey, I was a innocent little girl who observed a lot. It was
>everyone else who had dirty laundry.

i realize that i may of seriously phucked up some lives because i was curious about sexuality at a very young age. looking back at it - they were just objects in my learning experience, hopefully i was for them too.

>There
>was no talk about sex...I was left with my books. The next
>time I kept my mouth shut.

is that the right thing to do though? as a parent? when racism hit my household in the third grade (i had to ask my parents what 'nigger' meant after i had just beat the living shyt out of some kid for saying that's all i was) i was given a plethora of books on marcus, malcolm and martin, so i would learn to take pride in my heritage. the strange thing was - they were given to me by my italian father - which is kind of like a father teaching a daughter about sex. he couldn't really relate to what i was facing, and the message that was sent was. 'educate yourself' and lets not talk about it. race wasn't an issue that came up in the home.

...I learned how to look and not touch. Ha!

:-)

>Yeah, go ahead and run away. You can always neuter the dog.
>:-)

first of all - i'm never neutering my dog, its tantamount to cutting my own nuts off - i'd rather live vicariously through him (especially as a celibate). :-)
i see the smile that follows your answer, but is it really running away? i'm actually facing the facts. that i'm gutter, always have been - always will be.

true - it was sexual exploration, and the "imaginative scenarios" i acted out at 5 years old were guided by television movies, which makes me question how much of our sexual identity is our own, and how much is influenced by the images that we receive? i mean, maybe i was 5, but i still know cats that are trying to act scenes out from movies, just to say that they've done it (no creativity)

it's sad to say - but many of the girls i dated in high school - through college - were trophies that boosted my self-esteem, and a woman with fake breasts was the "ultimate." they were considered the national standard for beauty (still are - sadly), and not much different than your 18 year-old trophy - because every teenage girl wants to be with the most mature boy they can find - and at 13 you must have been the SHIT! amongst all your friends. you had reached the pinnacle in your local dating standards. what guides that? friends? elders? mass-mediums?