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Topic subjectRE: you really, really need to read this book
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=22&topic_id=29051&mesg_id=29176
29176, RE: you really, really need to read this book
Posted by Nettrice, Sat Apr-09-05 10:15 PM
>This book shows that slavery did not destroy the black family
>as is the common perception. We maintained a strong
>commitment to the nuclear family throughout slavery and in the
>antebellum period.

I'll check it out.

However, I am basing my p.o.v. on experience both from my own family and others. I have always observed and taken a note of how people deal with adversity. I am not saying the Black family has been destroyed. If anything, many Black families are quite resilient. They do not break down like others who attempt to assimilate but they aren't "nuclear", either. I am a Black woman and those "traditional" notions just don't cut it. I don't live in some "nuclear" fantasy because I have often had to face a lack of support for what keeps me going (happy) everyday. Those that came before me were often alcoholics, mentally ill, etc. because it was hard dealing with "Black girl pain". I have not succumbed to any of that and that's saying something.

>1. Poverty. 60% of Black children live in poverty, mostly
>because they live in a house with one income. In fact,
>two-income black households make almost as much as two-income
>white households.

My single mother came from a childhood in poverty. She came out of it and made sure we did not experience poverty as children. When I was growing up, folks in my hometown said she was an exception but I refused to believe it.

>2. Lack of Dicipline. This is going to offend the hell out of
>you liberal sensibilities, but the household is generally more
>discipline when there's a father in the home. The mother
>can't lay down the law like the father can.

I am the only daughter my father has never spanked. My sister and I did well under my mother's care but my younger half-sisters dropped out of high school and had babies before age 18. They were under my father's care for most of their young lives. I always remember them getting beatings frequently and them living in fear of my father. His discipline did not prevent them from becoming teenage mothers.

>3. Supervision. The mother is working long hours to take care
>of the family, and nobody's watching the kids.

We were latchkey kids, too. The interesting thing was many of my other friends (including kids from two-parent homes) where engaging in sex in their preteens. One particular friend was often left at home alone because both of her parents had to work. I was the only person allowed to hang with her (she was not allowed to leave the house) because I got good grades...and I was a "good girl". What her parents did not know was she kept me around as a lookout while she had sex with local boys. This is a true story. Her mother figured it out and we got busted one day. Not long after my friend got pregnant.

>I really could go on and on. Whatever you personal choices
>may be, do you seriously beleive that we can have a stong
>community without having stong families?

I could go on, too, but I really do understand your point. However, I've seen enough "exceptions" to know that after so long in this country Black folks really are buying into a false standard, embracing "traditional" values while at the same time our communities are getting worse, not better.

>“The Negro pays for what he wants and begs for what he needs.”
> -Kelly