2614, Pretty far gone|
Posted by abstrak, Mon Dec-29-03 08:07 PM
Pretty affectless, for fear of what the affect might be. In the last couple of months, I've had three occurrences that would have normally pushed me over the edge (I have bipolar disorder).
The thing hanging over my head right now is that I'm a non-traditional student, and I have worked extremely hard to get back in school and to create an environment in which I can succeed. Now I'll probably have to drop out of school again because my school doesn't follow federal financial aid guidelines and there is no one to enforce them.
I totalled my car and injured my neck and head about two months ago. I'm in pretty much non stop pain, and I now owe $2500 on a car I don't have. The accident wasn't my fault, but the lesson to be learned here is to buy gap coverage or you'll wind up in a similar situation.
The worst thing has been that my dad passed away about two weeks after my accident. Our relationship was not always great, and he was not easy to like. As such, no one close to me has really wanted to talk about the various issues that go along with all this, and I've not had the normal grieving process. New Years Eve is his birthday, and I'll probably be spending it alone at home, which I don't really look forward to.
And, my girlfriend with whom I've lived for seven years is probably going to leave me. I can't even describe how that makes me feel.
All this said, one of the most debilitating things for me has been the everyday psychic violence that permeates our culture. War. Consumerism. Vast injustices. You all probably know what I mean. But that's just pushing me deeper into a shell. So far, I've been able to maintain composure, but a total lack of affect and focus is starting to take its toll.
Thanks for reading/ posting. Peace