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Forum nameOkay Activist Archives
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=22&topic_id=24394&mesg_id=24413
Posted by guest, Sat May-06-00 04:59 PM
I want two things right now.

I want to be a better mother,and
I want to sing (I'm blushing as I type this).

I work crazy hours(I'm in the Army) and go to school at night, so I don't spend enough time with my son. I justify it by saying that he'll understand the importance of an education later, but that dosen't make the resigned look on his face go away when mommy is just to tired to do whatever it may be.
My son is a bookworm. the kids at school call him a nerd, but he handles it as well as can be expected. He says nerds grow up to be rich(he's nine).
He's not very physical, and I'm trying to get him to face his fears. But how can I preach to him when I don't do the one thing I've always dreamed of? All my life I've wanted to sing, but I grew up on Oakwood College campus(3rd grade through college), home of Take 6,Brian McKnight, and opera singers whose names I can't remember. Its worse than the Apollo, they will rip up into pieces and then laugh at you in school the next day. So, I never tried. Now I'm 26 and afraid it may be too late.

It sounds selfish after all the posts about saving the world, but how can I do that if I can't even open my mouth in front of people? I can talk before an audience all day, but sing? I forget how vocalization takes place.
I'm the type of person that usually does the things I fear just so they won't control me. I have very few fears left(within reason), this is the biggest.

My Okayfam now knows something about me that even my sister doesn't. *gag*

*I'll go crawl back under my rock now*

You died
I cried
And kept on getting up
A little bit slower
And alot more deadly - Assata

If swept down to lift you up
would you cling to earthly things
your weak heart needs
and leave me facing God with dirty wings? - my sister :-)