I am often amused at how difficult it is for white folks to put themselves in the shoes of Black folks, no matter how close, how intimate, how loving the relationship. From a political standpoint, it has much to do with power and influence...white folks benefit more than Black people ever have. What comes along with this is the false expectations and conditions folks experience as of result of this power.

What is the next step beyond acknowledgement?

Okay, so you are white and you acknowledge that these false expectations and conditions exist but how does that translate to change...you have a mate who is Black and may come from a community that is disempowered. How do you love her and how can you help her effectively deal with her experiences?

It reminds me of when I was 17 and becoming an activist in college. A white guy I was friends with in high school followed me to college and showed signs that he wanted to engage in a more intimate relationship. He told me that he was aware that racism existed and was against it. Then, his mother, a wealthy white woman (old Southern money), came up to visit and we all went out on the town. He wanted me to like his mother and he wanted to show his mother that he liked me. When we returned his mother tried to tip me like I was hired help! I walked off before I said something that would probably offend her and him. Minutes later he came by my room to explain that he told his mother she was in the wrong...BUT he also tried to get me to understand that his mother was the way she was because (fill in sorry excuse here).

In this case, my white friend was not able to move from acknowledgement to awareness and action. He could not change his mother and I knew that he would be unable to truly get what I was trying to do in my work (helping Black folks empower themselves)...no matter how much he said he loved me. I needed him to ACT not love...

I was just 17 at that time but I learned that white folks often should do more than just be aware of what the conditions are. I did not want to have to explain things every other minute of the day in the outside world or even put him in the middle of my world and his. I did not want to have to stop myself from reacting to discrimination just because the other people were his friends or family...even if the love was there, so I made a choice. I moved on.