>WHAT ARE YOU DEDICATED TO?

Compassion as a path to understanding and awareness

>
>HOW DOES THIS MANIFEST IN YOUR
>LIFE?

I try to be mindful on a moment to moment, day by day basis. I try to keep my heart open.

I'm not doing volunteer work currently, for a variety of reasons, including that I needed some time to get re-grounded and centered. But what works best for me is service, and the form of service that I have found to be the most natural is as a hospice volunteer.

>WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS?

It started with the unexpected death of the father of a boyfriend. I was floundering around, not knowing what I could do or be that would create an environment for him that would be open to and accepting of all of his emotions, and I ran across a book called "How Can I Help?" by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. That was the beginning of a period of time in which every door that opened led to a direct path to the next door. It was an extraordinarily blessed time in my life. I was introduced to the work of Stephen Levine, and was able to do some workshops with him before he stopped doing them. That expanded into the actual work of serving the dying, and concomitantly I started to explore spiritual paths that would be most appropriate for me, including exploring the idea of a contemplative order. Ultimately, I settled into a mindfulness practice that is the foundation for my heart and my actions.

>WHAT HELPS YOU?

Remembering that awareness is always available. It's not something that has to be reached for. It's there whenever we allow confusing mindstates to fall away.

Daily meditation practice is essential for me. My teachers in this have been primarily Joseph Goldstein, Sharon Salzberg and Jack Kornfield: doing meditation retreats that they've led, reading their books, etc.

>WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?

Believing that I am in control. That's the biggest hindrance for me. And it's very tempting.

>WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED SO FAR?

It's all part of the path. Hindrances, too. I had a hard time with this one, particularly when I moved out of that period of time in which every door opened in front of me and everything I did seemed to lead me in the right direction. I thought for a while I must be doing something wrong, but now I'm able to keep some awareness that this is part of it, too.

>WHAT IS THE GREATEST JOY?

The moments of equanimity and balance. They're rare, but they're wonderful.

>WHAT IS THE GREATEST SORROW?

The hardest part for me is letting go of attachment to my own ideas of how things should be. That's the kind of thing that makes being with someone who is dying just really painful. When I remember to let go, as rare as those moments are, things come into balance. Out of balance, I'm always struggling.

At the moment I am struggling a lot with anxiety and a feeling that I'm going nowhere, but I am very lucky in that this time I've been able to see the anxiety and negative feelings with compassion and spaciousness, rather than taking them to heart and believing in them.

>WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING?

Living alone helps a lot. Daily meditation is essential. I find nourishment in quiet.

>WHAT'S NEXT?

It's time to move back into volunteer work. I have a little more "getting it together" that I have to do before I can balance everything, given a 24 hour day, but it's clear to me that I'm out of balance again and need to actively serve others in order to find that harmony.



Peace.