Obviously, love is not about what race a person is. We all live in a world that has created this illusion that class, race, gender, etc. matter. If you are white it is hard to imagine being aware of prejudice and double-standards every day. We live in a world where ego and personality is nurtured--not spirituality. That is why I don't have much luck finding men on my level.

I have had relationships white men and Black men but it was more platonic with the white guys. Once I got close with a white male friend. We were high-school pals. I went to college a year earlier than he did and when he came to NYC we started getting closer.

One day his mother came up and we went out on the town. I took them to MOMA and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. We had fun. When we got back his mother wanted to pay me for the day (seriously!) and I declined her tip. I was annoyed but I shrugged it off. Later, my friend came to my room and tried to apologize for his mother's behavior. I accepted the apology but I wondered if down deep he was like his mother. She raised him.

I never did go all the way with my friend but I saw in myself a willingness to let people alone with their illusions and their ignorance. I did not judge my friend based on his mother's actions and we remained friends until I moved away after my graduation. Race is a reality in this society and for me it's hard imagining myself coming home to a man who can't relate to living Black. I feel like I would have to hold myself back or compromise an important part of my life.

I need someone who has the sensitivity of what being Black means and what it is like. I need someone that can truly understand, do more than sympathize or listen to my stories. I need someone who relates. I am not saying a white man can't be that person but chances are slim I will ever find someone white who really understands that plus all the other things that will allow me to be open and affirm life.

I have been Black in a white world most of my life and I am comfortable being me in that world. Most of the time I am myself and I love myself most of all. The American way of life has crammed white culture into my mind and psyche since I was a baby so I know what white is, what white means. I can talk the talk and relate to white people. But can white people really relate to me? Many white people get defensive when Black people talk about their feelings, their reality so why try?



"Know thyself"

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
-- Hebrews 13:5,6

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix"

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"