First off, I'm a male.

Second off, I'm not here to bash... but to discuss.

Many of you have touched on this, but seriously, men are affected by this, too. I mean, we all know _why_ perms, but we don't really talk about it. How perms are related to age-old self-hate towards our naturally curly hair in a white society afraid of difference, afraid of anyone who doesn't look like them and while we can't change our skin color... we can change our hair...

All of us are affected by this. I remember watching my family (of women) straightening and perming their hair every Sunday. I must admit, this is linked to some of my most content memories... and also some of my worst because they got to come together and bond over their hair... what did I get, besides being a voyeur? I got to go to a barber shop... believe me when I say that doesn't compare.

I started... putting chemicals... in my hair as soon as I could argue sufficiently to my mama that I should. For more "managable" hair, for hair the "girls would want to touch." And although I'm gay, don't think that didn't mean when I was younger. I wanted girls to touch my hair and tell me I had that "good stuff". I just realized... how the two go hand in hand...

Anyway, I have finally cut all that nonsense out and I am trying to just grow it out because it doesn't feel right to have short hair anymore. It seems.. short hair... the badge of a boy and I'm no boy, but a man.

Finally, to be free from coloring, perms, relaxers, Dukes... I have found that the beast I thought of as my hair isn't so scary after all. In fact, I really like it, even more than when I was locking it and dying it so that it would have red tips (this didn't work anyway and I am glad it didn't... my hair wasn't ready... maybe it will be this go around, but I am not thinking fashion, but thinking me... loving and liking me... for all that I am... nappy hair and all). It looks good. It frames my face best. And it thanks me for taking care of it by making me pause in the mirror for a second look... I didn't know I looked so good. Really, I didn't.

I talk to the women here and listen in whenever they are talking about hair to learn a little more about my own.

Another reason to go natural...

my mother's hair is falling out. I am certain that it is from the years of perms. She has this pockets of pus on her hair and is using $200 medicated shampoo. Out of concern for her, I told her that she should go natural. She looked at me (and my mom is not an old woman... she's 41) and said, "I want you to ask your sisters (on my Dad's side) and your girlfriends to go natural and see what they say. Then after they curse you out, come back so that I might finish."

Her hair is falling out, y'all. And she still can't break her chains.

I think it has less to do with being afrocentric and more to do with our unique history as Afro-Americans -- that slavery histroy we so like to ignore. So when I see a sister with her hair natural, and fellas with their's natural, inside, I feel a tiny flame flare and I think of my own hair and the many taboos that surround it (especially when job hunting and I know that I should have the short, well-kempt style white America likes on good black boys) and know that I am on my way towards breaking some of this down and showing my Ancestors how I am learning for their myriad examples.

Peace,

Q


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Uplifting thoughts:

"We are the end result of our ancestors prayers as they died. We you are the sum total of their answered prayers."

"I am because we are; we are because I am."

"falling in love with somebody's soul...their essence their personality their walk their talk the way they speak and smile...no matter what the physical outer body is..male or female...is a temptation i hope i am never foolish enough to resist." - Hot Damali