I will raise my children like my mother raised me with a few exceptions. For one, my mother was a great example for my sister and I. She put us first. She waited until she had her degree and a stable job before she had her first child. Second, she catered her child rearing methods according to each of our personalities. With me she was more hands off and with my sister she had to be more hands on. There are pluses and minuses with this...but it worked. Third, she understood youth developmental needs:

Caring adult(s): We were surrounded by caring people.

Belonging and membership: She allowed us to join everything from a children's ballet group, to Girl Scouts, to a variety of churches/affiliations. We belonged to a Baptist church but we explored Unitarian/Universalist, Pentacostal, Jehovah's Witness, etc.

Competency and mastery: Expectations were high to begin with because my mother spoke/read 3 or 4 different languages, graduated from everything with highest honors, had a degree in philosophy and was a computer programmer/analyst back in the 70's and 80's when there wasn't a lot of Black women doing it. She encouraged us to take pride in good grades and perfect attendance but she never rewarded us with money or gifts. We understood we were accomplishing our goals for ourselves.

Knowledge of self and others: My mother never told us we were Black or that white was right. She encouraged us to be ourselves and we listened to all kinds of music and were exposed to plays, art shows, dance, etc. When I needed therapy at age 12, she paid for it without question. I did not understand why I did not fit in or meet the "ideal" and learned to value my differences and understand others (the status quo) in order to ascend. Most important, she did not shield us from negative people and situations. We learned to thrive despite adversity.

Safety and structure: My mother struggled with the structure/stability part. My mother was/is bipolar and she could not always provide the structure and stability we needed. However, she made sure we were always taken care of, with my grandmother and aunt or us all together when she was manic.

Independence and control over one's life: I am independent and even defiant by nature and my mother encouraged this. She allowed me to climb/take risks and was there when I fell, especially when I was younger. I became more determined and resilient as a result. As an adult, I seldom need other's encouragement in order to be independent or take necessary risks.

Opportunities to contribute: I have always been a giving person. As a child, I made art as gifts for people. I liked being the helper, making art that inspired others and got involved in community service early in my life. When I was 15, I became an assistant in a children's hospital. I went from candy striper to support staff and the experience changed my life. My mother believed that my art was a gift from God and brought others closer to God...so I learned to use my talents to help others.

I still have to deal with social exclusion based on my race and gender and I have to transcend people who are supposed to be supportive but are usually threatened by me but my mother's early support and encouragement was the foundation behind my activism today.

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"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own"
--Paulo Coelho, "The Alchemist"

"Know thyself"

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
-- Hebrews 13:5,6

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix" (and a Buddhist philosophy)

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"