>While I am sure your counsel
>on male/female relations was appreciated
>by the young brutha it's
>my opinion that the greatest
>advising brutha Q could've achieved
>in those relations (if a
>healthy, SOMEWHAT developed one...) is
>that with the step-father...

An excerpt from Q:

"Your like a big sister to me, and your the only adult that I open myself to. I think you know me better that my mother. I also realy appreciate you listening to me, every time I finish talking to you,you always have me thinking about everything you say. I'm glad that your always there for me when I need to talk to somebody..."

It is not my point to undermine the importance of positive relationships with men, i.e. fathers. As a matter of fact, I strongly believe that the mentor/friend relationship I had with Q influenced his ability to trust women. He also was great when working with children and I made sure to tell him that this was a good quality that would help him when he started his own family.

The most important thing for men is to learn how to trust themselves and trust women in order to have healthy relationships. Men, as fathers, have to be PRESENT and that means they can't close themselves off or not be open with women.

When a father/male mentor is not present then it is difficult for women to develop positive relationships with men. It is a challenge for them to raise their sons to become "strong" men. It's a cycle and fathers and mothers need to break the cycle in order to build strong families and children (daughters).

>it will be
>easier for the brutha to
>realize his position in america
>and how to conduct himself....This
>is something that only a
>MAN OF COLOR could notice
>from a FIRST PERSON view...No
>offense...but who could explin the
>triumphs and pitfalls, joys and
>pains of black women better...Talib
>Kweli or Ursula Rucker???

Neither. I was able to understand myself (as a child), in relation to the world through guidance from my father, mother and, when they were not available, through other adults. I understood myself as Nettrice first, then as a girl/woman, a Black person, an American and a human. The development of the individual (Nettrice) part of who I am allowed me to define the other parts.

>Unclear. I'm a simple man...Please
>explain further on what you
>mean by "What I can't
>pay for is a man
>who will be more than
>a role defined by a
>society that places value on
>things that does
>not support me. I need
>more than that to be
>in a real relationship.
>I am already a whole
>person. I need another
>whole person (man) to be
>there for me. He
>can lift heavy things, too
>(if he wants)."

>YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON, eh?
> Do you cook couscous
>as well????

I mean that I have not met a man who is not saddled by the role society has defined instead of defining who he is as an individual. I need a spiritual partner, someone who can match my quick wit, lust for life and quest for peace & love. I can do my own lifting and cooking becuase I have the resources. I need someone who can sustain a partnership and how we divvy-up responsibilities is up to us, not some standard.

Standards are what makes some men unable to be the fathers they should be. Some men feel as if they will never meet them. They are playing some role and not open to the needs of their children and women/mates.


"Know thyself"

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
-- Hebrews 13:5,6

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix"

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"