>Please name them.

1) Low self-esteem and self-worth

Specifically, some the women my father abused were abused as children, i.e. by a parent (verbally, or physically). They had feelings of low self worth and a neediness or vulnerability that precipitated my father's violence. Instead of leaving or protecting themselves they choose to be hurt and hurt back whenever they could.

2) Equating a physically strong/attractive man with a good job with security, or power

My father was/is attractive, physically strong, has a steady job (same job for nearly 30 years) and makes good money. The women he abused saw all that first and his violent nature second. My father has some warped sense of tradition based on what he feels is a woman's place or lot in life. If a woman could not meet his standards he ridiculed them and asked them to leave the relationship and if they resisted he hurt them. Most of these women resisted because they liked the fact that he was a working man, a financially secure man. The fact that he was abusive was minor compared to the perception that his financial security meant they were secure. They weren't. This leads me to the next thing.

3) Feelings of being incomplete without a man

A few of my father's girlfriends had left other abusive relationships only to find another one with my father. No matter how successful the women were (one was a TV news anchor) they felt that they were not complete without a man. Men like my father took advantage of that.

Ironically, my father was very honest with me about his feelings. He loved the mothers of his children but he felt he could never be equal with my mother (college educated computer programmer) and he could not control the others. He wanted to be a good father and husband/lover but he was afraid so he appeared tough and mean to everyone. He was paraniod (he uses marijuana regularly) and felt that everyone was out to use him or get him. He told me stuff about how men and women are socialized to think and told me to think another way.

I don't know whether or not it was a subconscious or conscious effort on his part but I think he truly wanted me to be the opposite of the women he had relationships with. He never talked about my physical attributes, he listened/gave useful feedback about the men I was seeing and he always told me how proud he was of my accomplishments.

If my father ever threatened me I learned to show no fear. I learned to keep my head up and stand on my own two feet. I was the only one of his four daughters that was never abused but I also let it be known that I would fight to my death. I observed and absorbed everything, including the violence. I was child and learned to stay quiet and lay low when there was danger.

I learned to smile when men try to minimize my accomplishments and realize when men tried to influence me in negative ways. If a man was ever forceful with me he would see the back of my head as I walked away. This is what my father taught me.

"Know thyself"

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
-- Hebrews 13:5,6

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix"

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"