But not every question :) My father was something else! He believed that my sister and I would be pregnant by 16. This is what he told us and neither of us have children yet (late 20's). However, ten years later he raised two more daughters from another woman and they both had babies before graduating from high school. Both dropped out.

See, my pops was present but he was a violent, cruel man, with major issues about women. All of his children were girls and I am sure that messed him up.

When I turned 16 I was determined to break the cycle of teen pregnancy but I had a playful attitude about sex. I made a bet in college. During my freshman year I made a bet with my roommate on who would lose their virginity first.

I was not abused by my father but he beat his women and his other daughters. I was the silent observer throughout my childhood and now I recognize all the tell-tale signs of abuse in men I meet. Also, I recognize signs in women that allow abuse.

The one thing I learned not to do was judge my father. I also learned not to depend on him for things that I needed to succeed in life. I discovered that I could love and take care of myself. The man for me is the one who does not try to replace my self-love. I don't have any holes to fill up and I already feel complete as a person. I want relationship(s) that affirm life, not tear it apart and I guess I have my father to thank for my general outlook (positive self-image, self-esteem, self-efficacy, etc.) on my life. I won't accept anything less.

>these questions come from a book
>entitled "What
>Happened to Daddy's Little Girl: The
>Impact of
>Fatherlessness on Black Women" by Jonetta
>Rose
>Barras...they're from a chapter entitled "Self
>
>Examination" and i thought they were
>good ones to
>ponder/meditate upon/ consider...
>
>...L...
>~ * ~ * ~ *
>~ * ~ * ~
>* ~ * ~ *
>~ * ~ * ~
>* ~ * ~ *
>~
>1) At what age did you
>have your first sexual
>experience?
>
>2) What was your chief motivation
>for entering that
>relationship, or those relationships?
>
>3) Do you distinguish sex from
>love, or are they the
>
>same thing to you?
>
>4) Did you ever consider having
>a child, although at
>the time you weren't married? If
>yes, how old were you
>
>and what motivated the desire?
>
>5) If you have children, what
>is your relationship
>with them- are they used to
>fill the empty space in
>
>your life; so they serve as
>a weapon for keeping your
>
>partner in line, etc. If you
>do not have children, so
>
>you still have a strong desire
>to have them; what is
>
>your motivation?
>
>6) How and why did you
>end your last relationship?
>
>7) How strongly do you respond
>to criticism from a
>mate? Even when the criticism is
>valid, do you
>sometimes find yourself worried about whether
>the
>comments mean he is about to
>break off the
>relationship?
>
>8) Do you prefer dating men
>who are married, have
>another girlfriend, or are intensely involed
>with
>their work?
>
>9) Do you sometimes find yourself
>in a good
>relationship but still feel uncomfortable about
>it?
>
>10) How often have you ended
>a relationship before the
>man whom you were dating, living
>with, or married to
>decided to end it?
>
>11) When you look at yourself
>in the mirror, what do
>
>you see? Are you comfortable or
>uncomfortable with
>your body image?
>
>12) How many times have you
>tried dieting or gaining
>weight over the last three years?
>
>
>13) Have you ever suffered bulimia,
>anorexia, or any
>other eating disorder?
>
>14) When you are hurt, angry,
>or lonely, do you
>frequently head for the refridgerator, for
>the stove,
>or for that bottle of wine?
>
>
>15) How often do you head
>for work, either in your
>
>house or at your office, when
>things are going badly
>in a relationship?
>
>16) Do you lash out at
>others for no apparent reason?
>
>
>17) Have you within the past
>five years been the first
>
>to attack, verbally or physically, your
>male partner?
>
>18) Do you sometimes become so
>angry with yourself
>that you deny yourself certain niceties?
>
>
>19) Do you sometimes spend days
>in bed when you are
>
>not physically ill, find yourself tired
>when you have
>exerted very little if any physical
>energy, realize
>you can't get yourself motivated?
>
>20) Have you ever thought that
>you would be better off
>
>dead, ever thought of commiting suicide,
>ever
>attempted suicide?
>
>21) Do you sometimes bend over
>backward in a
>relationship, attempting to please the other
>person,
>even if it means sacrificing your
>own pleasure and
>happiness?
>
>22) Do you invest more time
>in helping a man improve
>
>his life than you do in
>improving your own?
>
>23) Are you frequently overly conscious
>of how people
>perceive you?
>
>24) Do you feel that you
>never measure up to others?
>
>
>25) Do you believe everything you
>do has to be
>perfect?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>"u cant see ahead w/ ur
>head down" - qua'ran tauheed
>{my baybee sister}


"Know thyself"

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you or forsake you". So we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
-- Hebrews 13:5,6

"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path"
--Morpheus in "The Matrix"

"It's our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities"- Dumbledore to Harry Potter "Chamber of Secrets"