Kemetian,

I am not sure. To be certain, I am not talking about a _physical_ disease... but it is physical... and yet not. I dunno. Maybe immersion into something different would heal me and make it so that that disease doesn't cause harm to those around me, but at least I know, in America, that my disease won't alter anything and that the fight I have with it is the fight many of share.

I am just so... scared... to think of myself as being a virus, you know what I mean? Carrying Euro-American culture with me to unleash it onto people who, you know, will more than likely be very kind to me and mine. What a repayment! It would go against everything and all that I believe in... I mean, can I be sure that re-immersing myself back into African culture would... kill that disease without harming those around me?

Yes, I worry too much.

But you do see what I am talking about, no? I wish it could be as simple as... just leaving, but I know that you never leave a place as much as take that place with you. If and when I leave America, I want to take as little of it with me as possible... unless to write scathing books and essays about what a shitty place it is and why and how and limit my readership to simply those who know me, but damnit, art for art's sake was always a lie... and when I get older, I'll worry about money... anywhoo...

Walk me out of this is if you know how.

Peace,

q

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*********^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"americans are gross!" -utamaroho

Uplifting thoughts:

"We are the end result of our ancestors prayers as they died. We you are the sum total of their answered prayers."

"I am because we are; we are because I am."

"falling in love with somebody's soul...their essence their personality their walk their talk the way they speak and smile...no matter what the physical outer body is..male or female...is a temptation i hope i am never foolish enough to resist." - Hot Damali