The Hick from French Lick is still the funniest to me

But I always like the Dream since it sounds so fly even though it implied that he gave the opposition nightmares. There used to be this guy who played for the Rockets with Hakeem nicknamed Cornbread. His game was really ugly and he labored as he went to the basket...but he had hustle.

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"Observe the ugly mess which most men make of their sex lives-and observe the mess of contradictions which they hold as their moral philosophy. One proceeds from the other. Love is our response to our highest values-and can be nothing else. Let a man corrupt his values and his view of existence, let him profess that love is not self-enjoyment, but self denial, that virtue consists, not of pride, but of pity or pain or weakness or sacrifice, that the noblest love is born, not of admiration, but of charity, not in response to values, but in response to flaws-and he will have cut himself in two. His body will not obey him, it will not respond, it will make him impotent toward the woman he professes to love and draw him to the lowest type of whore he can find. His body will always follow the ultimate logic of his deepest convictions; if he believes that flaws are values, he has damned existence as evil and only the evil will attact him. He has damned himself and he will feel that depravity is all he is worth enjoying. He has equated virtue with pain and he will feel that his body has vicious desires of its own which his mind cannot conquer, that sex is sin, that true love is a pure emotion of spirit. And then he will wonder why lover brings him nothing but boredom, and sex-nothing but shame." -taken from 'Atlas Shrugged' by Ayn Rand