>my christmas still smells
>like old spice and visitation rights
>
>like my daddy

This is a great way to begin your story. I can smell it.

>who wears a pinky ring
>that hurts him if I hold
>his hand too tight
>so i don't
>i just walk behind him in
>the airport
>trying to catch up
>but we don't speak

Nice word play on "trying to catch up".

>cause airports are noisy
>and so
>is his red sport car
>thats his favorite color
>so
>i wear red ribbons in my
>hair even though my color
>is purple
>but he doesn't see it though
>
>cause he's too busy
>driving
>to grandma's house
>where he said i would drop
>my bags off
>and if I hurried back to
>the car
>this time
>he would take me
>to chucky cheese or somewhere place
>like that
>doesn't matter to me
>i remember
>running fast
>down hall ways bumping my knees
>
>on concrete
>trying to make it back up
>the hill where he parks
>
>but he's always gone

I like the way you take a memory and make it come back, its like a flahback in a movie. I can see the disappoint. I can relate.

>and
>i hate this house that sits
>on a hill
>i hate the way it doesn't
>smell old spice
>i walk back down to the
>door
>trying to sniff my flower dress
>
>to see if I smell like
>him
>and smile
>cause i do

Children are so forgiving. Even after being left, you are still happy that you have a part of him with you.

>i did, i mean
>until my scenery
>changed
>i changed too

After reading the entire poem, this line stuck out the most when I read it again. The concept of "change". I saw it as, after the incident in the basement, you changed.

>he says
>my cousin that is
>tells me i changed
>cause the last time he saw
>me i was
>this high
>and that wide
>and now i am
>changed
>he said
>smiling at my flower dress
>he reminds me of my daddy
>
>'cept he smiles at me
>so i smile
>back
>to grandma's house
>where she is signing silent night

I don't know where you got the idea of putting silent night in this piece, but it worked out great. You were able to change the entire meaning of a traditional song with this.

>in the kitchen
>off key
>not listening
>as my cousin tells me
>lets play downstairs
>in the family room
>thats what fulton county basements
>are converted
>to

Where is fulton county? And, does it have a particular meaning?


>so i follow
>and he leads me
>to believe that

Nice word play.

>a monsta stays behind the washer
>and dryer
>and i run
>and we laugh
>and play freeze tag
>until we get tired of playing
>
>so he says
>lets pretend
>and we do
>the basement becomes our pretend house
>
>the pillows are our pretend children
>
>he pretends to be the daddy
>
>and i pretend to be asleep

The pretend to be asleep thing caught my attention.

>
>while grandma keeps singing
>alllllllll issssss caalllmmmm
>alllllll isssssss riiiiiiggggghhhttttt
>she doesn't know the words to
>the song
>and i forget to scream
>rooooouuunnnddd yourrrr virginnnnnn
>mmmmooottthhheeerrr and chhhhiiillldddd

This is what I mean about you changing the meaning of this song.
It has a big christmas feel to it.

>i think she singing about me
>
>so
>i lay
>silently
>and she skips a versus
>just for me
>sllllllleeeeeeppppp iinnnnn heeeeaavenly pppeeeeaaaceeee
>sllleeep innnn heaven-ly peaceeeee
>she is finished singing now
>so
>she can come and
>save me
>open the door
>walk down the creeking stairs
>yell thats its time for dinner
>
>cause
>she's finished singing
>but he's still pretending
>smelling like
>sweat and now & laters
>sweet youth
>his sweet youth is
>choking me

I saw "sweet youth" as his scent. a play on "smell" and as his dick or sexual intentions.

>and grandma ain't singing
>so why the fuck didn't she
>

The anger builds.

>save me
>how can she sing
>holy songs
>'bout baby jesus
>and mary
>and not come
>and
>save
>me
>from
>choking
>on sweet youth mixed with mildew
>
>that keeps clinging to my memories
>
>cause this ain't the first time

A twist. A cycle.

>
>grandma forget to save
>me
>and
>my momma forgot to save me
>
>telling me to save myself
>for marriage
>but never told me bout playing
>house

Strong thought.

>just always said "jesus wants you
>to
>save your flowers"
>but
>my jesus forgot to save me
>
>too

Another strong thought and statement.

>and i don't care about the
>flowers
>on my dress
>getting dirty
>he just better not take my
>smell away
>he better not take my old
>spice smell away
>he better not
>take it

More build up of anger.

>but he did
>he got up
>put my smell in his pocket
>
>ran up the creeky stairs
>and gave my grandma
>a kiss
>on her fat cheeks
>while I was downstairs
>in her family room
>trying to smell my daddy
>again
>but
>my flowers have lost their scent.
>

Strong way to end it.
>
>-be yo nd.

Yes, you are.

>______________________
>
>- Thanks and Praise to the
>((MOST HIGH)) and ((ANCESTORS)) for
>words that I didn't know
>I remembered.

I assume that this is real. But then again, that is my down fall, always assuming.

I think I read someone else's comment that gave recognition to your breaks in this poem. I think that it did further the intense tone. The breaks were useful and well placed. But the reason why this poem hit me so hard was because it was real to me. When I read it, I remembered my own story. My own flowers.I don't know if I should thank you or hate you for bringing these emotions back. You write well, and if this hasn't happened to you, you are a great pretender.

.dialtone.