Erin,

Remember when mom used to talk about how beautiful you were? I sure do. It's been awhile, I know. I miss it too. I don't know why she stopped either, but I'm sure it has something to do with those size 20 jeans hangin in the closet. "when Erin was in high school, she was so fit and much thinner.." (sound familiar?) Now its... "... you can't blame having kids Erin, he is 7 now. But... you'll lose the weight when you are ready." (yeah thats about how it goes) You beat yourself up constantly over your appearance. So much so that you have been ignoring me. I know I'm only a soul and shit, but dam girl... gimme some love every now and again. I don't have to tell you what happens when I get ignored.

Is it not enough that you already have a complex about every good thing in your life? I can give you one about the bad things too. What do you do then? Is there anything you are confident about? You even doubt your own intelligence.... even though on a daily basis, you show everyone what your made of.

Do you notice that people love you? Do you notice that you are admired and respected and some people wish they were more like you.... (including your own lover?) And don't get me started there.... you can't save him... so give up and be who you are and it will be easier to accept who he is. Just Love him, its that easy.

Moving on... I know you miss your baby brother, and that so far is your stumbling block. He was the only one who never critisized you. You were his example, his Big Sister. There was no one better than you... (cept Mom, but that's a given) Cherish his memory, you are healing that part of you at least.

I just wanted to tell you... You are beautiful, smart, honest, caring, funny, and beautiful. I know you don't think so, but the sooner you see it, the quicker the rest will fall into place. I love you, now you need to love you. And God Dammit...! Talk to me more, I miss our little "heart to heart's"

-Always here... no matter what,
Your Soul.