for being so brave! This was a very open, honest revealing look at you (and I do recognize that it only represented one side of you, and we are all multi fasseted) You know, I've always had a very sexy body, even when I was a very small child I had a shape and I started the think as I grew up that my body was all I was because that's where I seemed to get the most attention, be it from men, or family saying that girl is a brick house etc. Some might think that is a good thing, to have a beautiful body, but if that's all you feel you are noticed for you feel like nothing but a shell and that is painful... I was just identifying with your inner struggle, even though they may be for oposite reasons, it's the same struggle.

"it all boils down the this, I want love, security, and acceptance. I want to be genuinely loved, feel secure with myself, and feel accepted for everything that I am because right now I don't have any of those things. Well I have Lik but hes not here, which doesn't do much for me. I want to feel him, I need that alive feeling I get from his touch of comfort you know? Let me eat something cause even now my body is feeling that weakness, shaking and shit and you know how much I hate to feel weak"

---if you want love and acceptance and security and all of those things, you have to give it to yourself first and then when people see that strength and confidence shine from you, the wont be able to help but be drawn to you and want to be in your company and even to be like you. You have to see you flaws as unique to you and beautiful and know that there is someone out there who will love you for all of your so-called flaws and not inspite of them. Also, you should not desire the company of a man to help you feel better (I grew up with out a father so I did the same thing most of my lfe) but it's a false sense of comfort and as soon as he's gone you'll feel it again and you'll end up wanted and asking him to be more than he can for you, more than he should be for you. We need to be all of those things for ourselves and then let love in, healthy love. And girl, you need to start eating!!! you know when your blood sugar is low (from not eating) you feel sad and weak and depressed and if you just eat something you'll find that half the stuff that was stressing and hurting you does not exist. Much love, and again thanks for being so open and honest. It's good to see people that strong and that brave.



______________________________
http://www.4luvofpoetry.com
http://www.carolsdaughter.com
http://www.ubiqueros.com
http://www.fillifoundation.com
http://www.saulwilliams.com
http://www.astrology.com
_________Promotions_________
Need some amazing eye candy? Need to get your work noticed, or just want one for your own personal pleasure? THEE best website designs EVER! Come in and take a look, you wont be sorry http://www.ubiqueros.com/freelancer

_______closing remarks______

"If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the dirtier it is, the more pleasurable it is bound to be."
--Marquis De Sade

"It has, moreover, been proven that horror, nastiness, and the frightful are what give pleasure when one fornicates. Beauty is a simple thing; ugliness is the exceptional thing. And firey imaginations, no doubt, always prefer the extraordinary thing to the simple thing."
--Marquis De Sade



"Show me an artist who is not insane, and I will show you a fraud"---Me

"Love is anterior to life
posterior to death
Initial of creation, and
the exponent of breath"--Emily Dickenson

"And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"--Kahlil Gibran(...and *Z* seems to have learned this the hard way, which it seems is the only way to learn...)

"I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine"--Rumi (real name Jalal ad-Din Mohammed Balkhi)

"May I be, forward? Before word, is, intent"--Saul Williams

Mystic: One who experiences mystical union, or direct communion with God or Ulitmate reality.

Elixir: A substance held capable of prolonging life indefinitely (also panacea) a sweetened, alcoholic, medicinal solution... I am