I realized that I have been killing myself slowly. Like right now I'm shaking, my body is weak and I need to eat but I have yet to do so. I think that those times that I chose not to eat have now become habit and slowly but surely I am killing myself. Intentional or not I'm not sure, I will figure that out soon. It might be intentional cause if we gonna be honest I don't like my physical self. I love the lady inside me, but the woman she's living in I don't care too much for. I have many imperfections and thats all I see when I look at myself. I always say that I want someone who will love me regardless of how I look, but in my mind that leaves me with someone of low quality because what man of high caliber would want what I have to offer? I want a certain someone because if I'm seen with them then maybe they will be like "what is it about her that makes them want to be with her?" and that would make them be curious about me and maybe except me (That's that highschool mentailty). The idea comes out shallow but it all boils down the this, I want love, security, and acceptance. I want to be genuinely loved, feel secure with myself, and feel accepted for everything that I am because right now I don't have any of those things. Well I have Lik but hes not here, which doesn't do much for me. I want to feel him, I need that alive feeling I get from his touch of comfort you know? Let me eat something cause even now my body is feeling that weakness, shaking and shit and you know how much I hate to feel weak. I wonder if anyone in this house notices how really fucked up I am? Help me. PLEASE!

-me

EDIT: This note is one I had written to myself a while ago but I figured it would be unfair to hold out when everyone was getting so personal