i usta dream about being dark skin
the kinda dark that wld shine when i put vaseline on my knees
i wanted to be 'black and beautiful' with 'dark and lovely' sweeter berry juice complexion
cause lite skin little gyrls
are only pretty in the eyes of
boys
and old folks who tell you to shape babies noses so it won't be so wide
i was never really pretty
i just had
pretty eyes
pretty hair
pretty skin tone
and "pretty gyrls like you shouldn't cry"
but i did
i cried for 2 weeks straight
then
off and on for 17 years
and a couple of hours before and after
when sum boy took my pretty with him when he left
so he cld have braggin rights at corner dice games
cause mixed gyrls were worth double points
but who was keeping score
when i had to fight
black hands to prove i was black enough
i usta wish i was dark skin
so i cld walk peacefully at nite
without fear of finding razor blades across my face
cutting out the "that bitch think she's so fucking pretty" in me
i get tired of being lite skin
tired of running
and smiling
and proving
and trying not to be "too pretty"
while trying to be pretty enough
and black enough
and woman enough
and when will it be enough

fuck beauty.


---
"a blk man don't have no business in an army
that he ain't fighting with
but fighting for
purple hearts that dangle from dead niggas
ain't revolutionary
cause you died as an enemy"
- doll