"complete wishes"


she wishes that she wasn’t prone to wishing
‘cause she tends to wish and sometimes
she thinks it’s too much
and she always tends to say
‘if wishes were wings then horses could fly’
and if horses really could
she’d want to ride on pegasus’ back
fly high above this earth
and search so that she could find
just what it is that she’s looking for
but then she also thinks
she just might fall off that wondrous horse
and fall to the ground
with a resounding bump
and hurt herself just like she does
when she’s not wishing at all

but no matter
she’ll wish anyway
and this is what she wishes for

she wishes that there was a man
to love her in her life
to see her every day just as she is
to take her hand and hold it
and look her in her eyes
see into her soul
and understand her
without letting go
and she knows she deserves to be loved
simply, complexly, completely
and she knows that love
yes, it comes with conditions
but she doesn’t want to become conditioned
just to be in-love
and lose her sense of self
even though she’d love to lose herself
in all that he is and in all that she is
combine the two of them
so that there are no more ends
less than there are any beginnings
to who they are together
but still be individual
with their mutual and separate loves
but none greater than the one they share
the one for each other

yet here is where wishing
seems to get her in trouble

see, there was just such a man
who loved and loved her
and, yes, she loved him, too
and pledged fidelity
love
hope
the future
and trust
but she hurt him
deeply
and she let him go
so she really doesn’t know
what’s the point in wishing
if she’s already had it this good
a man who gave her almost everything
a woman could wish for
then asked if she wanted
the moon and the stars
placed them at her feet
he wanted to be the god Mars
fight all her battles
take on all her fears
ease her every worry
wipe away and comfort all her tears
he wanted to do it all for her
even when she was plagued
by uncertain insecurities
that nagged and nagged
saying something was very wrong
wrong with the two of them
wrong with their love
but as pledged lovers do
they worked to remain true
and a more tender man
you could not conceive
even when his tenderness
and all his determination
threatened to shut her in
hold her in a space
that made her want even more
just to be free
free to be herself
the person that she is
not someone else’s defined belief
of the person that they perceive
when looking at and hoping for
an ideal

but how is she any better
to wish for so much more
isn’t this just another such ideal
that, even though it takes into account
the need for compatibility and identity
of who each is,
hinges itself on hope
looking to the romanticism in life
and praying to God for the true ONE
the circle of life that is complete
without any gaps or dents
that weren’t just put there because
they really are meant to be
part of the picture
to be worked on and mended
patched up and repaired
only if needed
by mutual consent
knowing that imperfection
is part of love’s unique beauty

and so she continues to wish and wish
for the man that’s right for ‘we’
and she believes with all her heart
she believes with all her might
that she deserves such a one
regardless of all that has come before
with a faithful promise
more faithful than any she’s ever made
to take nothing for granted
thank God for every blessing
that is here in this life
to take her time and live patiently
to understand intimately
and with time
the nature of love and what it really means
to love someone else
just as she loves herself
and slowly something’s stirring to life
finally awakening
to just what that really means
‘love thyself’
‘cause she hardly really did before
even though she thought she knew
but now she’s sure she didn’t
and she couldn’t possibly love him
no not completely
and partiality is no friend to love or trust
and second chances
even they need her there completely
without interruption
and so, now she’s willing to concede
that even she can wish
take those wings and fly
freely
not afraid that wishes can’t come true
or that they’re not made for her

so, she wishes for that man
who will love her in her life
and let her love him in his
completely.

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i know this one was long, but i felt i HAD to post it. it's all part of a process. and imagination_7, this one is posted with you in mind. i know it's not your exact experience, but i know you'll get it.

peace all,

n.