this holiday season has been pretty tuff. i really miss that boy and my other son has been acting a straight fool lately. concerned about fam and friends. seems we are all going thru a tuff time. the economy, the war, the people, the children...my thoughts get too big sometimes and i gotta pull them in, place them neatly in a row just to keep from goin crazy.

more than once i have found myself driving home from work with tears in my eyes lately. ignoring my usual exit and automatic piloting to the cemetary. but just as i turn the corner where the head stones are visible, i kinda mentally pinch myself back into a more rational frame of mind. he's not gonna be there waiting for me. that smile and that hug and that manchild voice saying 'mamma' wont greet me there. and i just keep driving by, and head back towards home.

i have always had a twist. a little something extra and unexpected dangling on the tail end of my personality. something up high, like a balloon that refuses to be anchored down. like seeing a woman with grief in her eyes and tears staining her cheeks with the faint hint of a smile behind tensed and troubled lips. i write poems about lost love, pain, injustice and tragedy that somehow twists its way into hope at the end. that's my twist spiraling up and up and trying to get a lil closer to heaven(peace) because something inside(or outside) of me just wont let me be still and die just yet.

love is infinite and it seeps thru my pours and infiltrates every cell spinning inside of me. it comes out thru my eyes, my lips, my hair, my hands, my feet. i will never ever ever stop. that's the message i want my voice to grow big enough to get out. never stop. never give up. never ever ever feel like its not worth the fight. it sounds corny and cliche but i can testify. ive been thru it, still going thru it, and may go thru some more. somehow im still here, still have my right mind. sometimes i feel so lifted im flying. i cant be...you cant be...we cant be broken. not if we keep the twist at the end of it all.

peace