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Forum nameFreestyle Board Archives
Topic subjectdeath of a poet's love
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=20&topic_id=16512
16512, death of a poet's love
Posted by OrangeLoni, Wed May-04-05 03:07 PM
And I re-wrote you
Until my hand could write no more
my tears smudging the ink from my pen
I re-wrote you
& still you had the indecency
to think for yourself
my tears running a steady stream
my mouth dry, but very ready
to scream that
I had wrote you and re-wrote you
and I am wrought with
anguish that I cannot
right you any more
because you have left the intimacies
of my imagination as empty
as a poorman's pocket.
16513, poets & loving & love & in love is hard
Posted by rgv, Wed May-04-05 03:11 PM
16514, Concise and powerful:::loved it
Posted by Shakeet Lokh Em, Wed May-04-05 03:16 PM
n/m
16515, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by Soulbrotha, Wed May-04-05 04:24 PM
What rgv said...
16516, mentally drained, spiritually exhausted
Posted by the perfect mistake, Wed May-04-05 05:10 PM
is what i get from these lines:

I had wrote you and re-wrote you
and I am wrought with
anguish that I cannot
right you any more
because you have left the intimacies
of my imagination as empty
as a poorman's pocket.


such a horrible place to be in... Peace~

--------------
http://msmind.blogspot.com
http://sadlymstaken.blogspot.com
www.myspace.com/treEmainE

hard times, we can get
over ©Queen Latifah: The Dana Owens Album

www.sheflypaper.com (she confesses here)
16517, *Sigh*
Posted by Winter Blaze, Wed May-04-05 07:00 PM
I have been in that same place before and it damn frustrating and mentally drainin'. This was felt Ms. lady- Good Work....

Peace
Blaze


I'm moody, I'm cranky, I'm emotional-Dammit just leave me alone

Step into my lair and see what happens next
16518, such a little poem gave such big thought
Posted by fromscratch, Fri May-06-05 09:22 PM
n/m
16519, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by wolfie, Sun May-08-05 09:17 PM
I re-wrote you


just solidifies the sentiment in this piece.

awesome.
16520, up nm
Posted by the perfect mistake, Fri May-13-05 09:50 PM

--------------
http://msmind.blogspot.com
http://sadlymstaken.blogspot.com
www.myspace.com/treEmainE

hard times, we can get
over ©Queen Latifah: The Dana Owens Album

www.sheflypaper.com (she confesses here)
16521, up nm
Posted by the perfect mistake, Sat May-21-05 12:03 PM

--------------
http://msmind.blogspot.com
http://sadlymstaken.blogspot.com
www.myspace.com/treEmainE

if it aint STIFF it ain't worth
a fuck ©t-shirt courtesy of tracey ullman
16522, RE: felt
Posted by DanjaRuss, Wed May-25-05 04:40 PM
as always.
16523, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by NoBle, Tue May-31-05 12:46 AM
I'm uppin this cause I absolutely loved it!!!
16524, thanks you guys
Posted by OrangeLoni, Fri Jun-03-05 05:32 PM
16525, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by MiracleRic, Fri Jun-03-05 05:45 PM
there are so many ways to interpret this, this is well worth a few reads, kinda like a movie witha bunch of twists, u pick up on things u may have missed the first few times...the wordplay in the 2nd half is just subtly sick, helluva drop
16526, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by The Lemon Kid, Fri Jun-03-05 05:47 PM
thought it was pretty simple..the relationship between poets and poetry...
16527, simple...yes
Posted by MiracleRic, Fri Jun-03-05 05:50 PM
but i liked how this presented the relationship in a way that could be applied to many relationships...worth expanding on
16528, RE: simple...yes
Posted by The Lemon Kid, Fri Jun-03-05 05:52 PM
..possibly. But how much of that was the poets work, and how much of that was your own input?
16529, poets? or poet?
Posted by OrangeLoni, Sat Jun-04-05 03:24 AM
You haven't really expressed yourself properly here.

And since you're crit'in my work, I'd appreciate if you did.

As for the simplicity - I'm well aware of it, but I wasn't aware that I should be tongue-twisting and metaphorically tying people to the rafters.
16530, RE: poets? or poet?
Posted by The Lemon Kid, Sat Jun-04-05 06:34 AM
...sorry if you found the criticism offensive. I just thought it was a simple enough idea, nicely executed mind.
16531, RE: poets? or poet?
Posted by Auriz Deep, Sat Jun-04-05 09:30 AM
I liked it. In my mind I was readin it... very emotional as I see it.

Pieace.
16532, the word "offensive" didn't feature in my reply to you
Posted by OrangeLoni, Sun Jun-05-05 03:46 PM
I'm now assuming that you're just not bothering to read anything people are saying and simply enjoying the appearance of your words on screen.

16533, why it gotta be like dat?
Posted by MUSE, Sat Jun-04-05 01:10 PM
"I re-wrote you
& still you had the indecency
to think for yourself"

m sayin... man gotta do f'self sometimes... woman too...

j/k! I liked this... different style from what i'm used to reading, but then again, you are versatile... good seeing your work again...

MUSE
16534, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by def1, Sat Jun-04-05 02:39 PM
good shit very nice work good job keep working
16535, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by C-Spot, Sun Jun-05-05 04:23 PM
simply put... damn. love the poetry, keep it up.
16536, i love the word play....
Posted by the_fifth, Mon Jun-06-05 07:16 PM
extremely descriptive, but i don't wanna think bout the subject matter :7 .

<- DYWM?

Reuschelle's Cheesecakes Summer Special
7" Cake 30$ incl. S&H
email: reuschellescheesecakes@gmail.com for a flavor list.

http://www.myspace.com/the_fifth
16537, yeah, it occurs to me that I have trouble with happiness
Posted by OrangeLoni, Wed Jun-08-05 03:36 PM
whoops
16538, powerful
Posted by marijane, Mon Jun-06-05 07:24 PM

>I re-wrote you
>& still you had the indecency
>to think for yourself

>I had wrote you and re-wrote you
>and I am wrought with
>anguish that I cannot
>right you any more

I am inspired almost envious. this piece is excellent. Keep Shining!
16539, RE: shudder
Posted by BarTek, Wed Jun-08-05 04:33 PM
"i re-wrote you"

Runs away. :)

Peace
~
BE' (c)Common Sense

http://www.myspace.com/bartek
16540, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by BassyJazzy, Wed Jun-08-05 06:56 PM
16541, hmmmm
Posted by beguiled, Thu Jun-09-05 12:18 AM
stirs thoughts

writes more

and the brain wont relax

thank you for writting and sharring this provocative peice.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOW WILL KARMA BIGHT YOUR ASS?






BE GREATFULL
16542, nice, im loving this
Posted by 58impala, Thu Jun-09-05 02:15 AM
16543, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by nappiness, Mon Jun-13-05 02:29 PM
to start it off with And is powerful...
it puts the reader right into the emotives of the poem

nappiness
16544, let's go ahead & archive, shall we?
Posted by rgv, Tue Jun-14-05 11:43 AM
16545, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by serpentinefire, Mon Jun-27-05 02:19 AM
i'm lovin it on every level...
16546, yea, yea, i c this as an argument or a mad soliloquy
Posted by eclipsedInI, Mon Jun-27-05 11:14 AM
16547, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by ASIEM, Mon Jun-27-05 01:50 PM
excellent eloquent work here
ASIEM
"Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran
(Be and it is)
" A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder
checkout these sites
http://4luvofpoetry.com
www.poetology.com
16548, RE: death of a poet's love
Posted by kenneth white, Mon Jun-27-05 03:41 PM
potent and to the point...I liked these lines of raw emotion...love is a pain as well as a blessing....stay up