i know im late but i didnt know whut i wanted to put here for so long...
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soon after they married
blue realized, he was a liar
after they had three children
she knew she couldnt tell
when he was lying
he was a professional

a military man with a dark red face
& broad african nose
he could make anything sound good
poverty
absence
heartache
those notes bent easily inside of his mouth
singing the children outta their pain
magically, he would hum laughter over heartache
he was charming

but he couldnt charm her
she was naive
but not stupid

he started wearing long sleeve shirts
leaving early in the morning
coming home late at night
he would stumble in
drunk
breath smelling like hot trumpets
try to hold her
she would pull away

the southern heat pressed down on them
children running thru the house in their cotton dresses & tshirts
& still, he wore his white shirts long
blue washed & pressed & starched each one carefully on saturday mornings
while he wore them with sweat dripping down the back
big circles around his armpits
arent u hot? she would ask
u should take that off

she saw him naked
only in the dark

he seemed strange lately
distant
different
he carried that radio everywhere
his jazz music drowning out the sound of water rushing
while he shaved in the bathroom
their son liked to call him thru the door
"daddy whatchu doin in there"
& only those horns blaring back at him
no answers

she was worried
she had heard from some woman at church
about jazz musicians & that junk
but he was no musician
just a lonely military man with too much time on his hands
but she asked him anyway
& he laughed his answer in her face
but there was sumthing
about the way he turned around too quickly
sumthing, made her suspicious

blue told big nan about it
her auntie was wiser with these things
one sunday afternoon, while he was sleeping
big nan crept in & slipped that radio
right out from underneath his arm

she called blue into the bathroom
& the two of them stood over it
with a hand fulla tools
i bet he keeps it in here, she said
blue was worried
she didnt want her husband to think she didnt trust him
but she had to know the truth

big nan unscrewed the back of the radio
& as she lifted the panels
blue saw a collection of sordid needles,
a long rubber tie & a whole lotta junk

ive seen enough
she said quietly
& big nan returned the radio to the sleeping giant

she began planning her escape
stopped looking at him in the eye
stopped cooking all the foods he liked
stopped wearing her perfume
when he would try & put his heaviness on her
she would fight him
put her fists in his back if she had to

but one day,
right before she left
he laid a gun on the bedside table
& made her do it

she didnt want to
she protested
she screamed
she cried
but everytime she opened her mouth
he placed his long sleeved hands on that gun
& told her that this nite
was his

the child created that nite
doesnt belong to him
he says
sum other man
laid down with that woman
to make that child
aint no child of mine
he says

& she says
he doesnt want to claim
sumthing he stole
from sumone
he said that he loved
that child is his
as much as he is mine
she says

& that bedside table pistol born long sleeved child was born
to a running mother
naive & in search of refuge
that bedside table pistol born long sleeved child was born
to a military man
with a music box
& a need for release
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http://www.myspace.com/nonifashoni