you can never really prepare for goodbyes.

b/c despite all your effort in carefully placing brick on top of brick around the weakest parts of you...it still will hurt.

as his/her lips move and form the sounds...the air that blows from the last syllable of 'bye' will find a way to reach you. seeping into the small cracks that you sabotaged yourself with out of hope that maybe...this time would be different. the small holes you left open on purpose because you wanted to feel again...

silently, it will find you.

just as you begin to believe that you're ready. that somehow you have prepared for failure & disappointment...just when you make yourself believe that you'll be ok. happily even after.

it sinks in.

the way they said goodbye will haunt your dreams. as you magnify the moment and zoom into their eyes. the way they looked lighter. the way they kind of smiled as the word left their mouths.

its never a good bye.

you can never be ready.

all you can do try to build better walls.

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"if god returns, sue him" © angels in america