of my current situation...blog entry 6/29/04

if i should get the notion/to jump into the ocean
ain't nobody's bizness if i do-billie holiday...

i thought about that movie-lady sings the blues-yesterday, walking along the streets of bedstuy. the scene where diana is begging bille d to let her stay on tour. "i can't go back now. if i go back now, they'll all laugh at me & think i'm a nobody..." that's the exact way i felt. i started to feel the tears flow but i only let my eyes get a little watery. i put myself in this situation & refuse to do nothing but rise...<em>but where i am gonna go? what is i gonna do? </em> billie had her man to protect & watch over her...who i got? who i got? nobody.

folks are waiting; watching in the corner-not praying but waiting...fuckers!

i'm trying this independent thinking-it all started w/the hair & now has taken on a life of it's own-(i.e. not consulting a soul) & i've gone to far...i know what i want to happen but unsure of how to make it happen. i got dreams & goals, needs & wants but i also got my ways that ain't getting me no where...

i know now some shit's getting old. i need new friends. i need my affordable, dream apartment. i need/want a man. i want a career. i-ching...i-ching...i-ching!!!

but hey...it is what it is...